words: they can hurt

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i think from the title we all know i'm going to be talking about verbal abuse. so now it's story time.

couple of years back, i had this classmate who was so intent on making me feel like shit and ruin my life. she found my wattpad and left a really mean comment which the gist was "ur story sucks lol" ((which someone defended me so eternityreaper0 thank you so so so much again it's been around a year but i'm still thankful)). in school, i had a crush on this guy and she literally pushed me onto him once like what the fuck do i even know you well dON'T TOUCH ME. she also called me names and insulted my singing, how fun.

she wasn't the only person. i'm the sort of person you either like or hate, no in between. she and other people kept making me think my best friend was using me. which she was. brilliant.

i had this one period of time, i let their words actually get to me. i'm only a human; i'm not some impenetrable fortress which can't be hurt what are you even thinking if you think i am. i seem tough and i am mentally hard to crack but 9 months of calling someone shit either makes or breaks them, and i broke. i cried in my room, thinking over the words they've said to me. they made me feel self conscious about myself by constantly insulting me. they probably KNEW their words were hurting me, and still didn't care.

some time in november or december, i confronted one of the boys over a chat group ((because i seem like a brave tough bitch but i'm actually very shy in public)) and he actually said i was faking my emotions. well isn't he insensitive.

i still care for them deep down, at one point i time, i finally realised that any medium of social media was somewhere where they could get to me, so i left the group chat. the same girl started to pester me on instagram and left a comment on my class's instagram account saying "hahaha omfg mx you're v v desperate..." i forgot the password for the account so i couldn't block her but she had harassed me on all my other accounts which i'd blocked her on and she actually goes onto my class account and says "haha mx blocked me from all her accounts"

it's been two years now, and we've talked everything out. i don't know whether it was a smart move on my part to ask them why they didn't like me, but they did admit that it was mostly out of immaturity.

and well, i haven't fully gotten over their words. it feels like shit to go out and start feeling insecure but i think it's great that i now can hold my head higher than ever. i promise you, things will get better. you'll be able to smile one day and say proudly, "i am okay", and you won't be lying.

i've graduated from my past school, i've entered an all girls school which is very dramatic. ((you send an email once which i didn't even find rude and people think you're a bitch [wait i am one])) but i'll tell you more stories of me getting into trouble for the next four years as time passes.

peace out girl scouts,
your bitch, iara

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