A Court of Shadows and Lightening

Chapter Eleven

Eris glared at the shadowsinger from where he stood across from Auren.

"She is recovering Azriel, maybe give her a minute before you blame her for something else."

Azriel snarled at the Male, both Helion and Rhysand held up a hand. Bodies tense and ready to get in between them.

Auren looked to her lap, shame crashing into her like a wave.

"You shouldn't even be here." Azriel snapped, "You-"

"I knew during the war."

Auren's voice doused the room in silence. Azriel sat stone still, his face pale. Anger. Pain. Betrayal.

Auren could smell it rolling off of him.

Feyre gripped Auren's arm.

"I sensed Tavian, at the war camp when I went to destroy the faebane cache's. I thought he was there." She still didn't know how he was. She never asked.

"That's why I was so.. disconnected when I came back. I didn't fully see him but I felt that he was there." Auren took a deep breath looking to her mates face.

A face she pictured a million times in her dreams.

"You wouldn't talk about it." Helion murmured to himself.

"I didn't know for sure." Auren turned to him, "At first I thought I was being paranoid. I hadn't left the Day Court in years. Then we went to rescue Elain."

Nesta stiffened, as if remembering that night as well.

"My magic was responding differently. I didn't understand it, but I was handling it. Then we were escaping with Elain, and that creature ripped into you, Azriel." Auren's eyes burned again but she refused to let the tears fall.

"The minute I scented your blood I knew, it was like that thread between our souls suddenly became visible."

"You fried half that camp." Feyre said. Auren nodded.

"It was instinct. I didn't even realize I did it until it was done." A hollow laugh escaped her.

Her whole body was shaking, she turned to Azriel completely.

"If it had happened differently Az, I would have told you immediately. I wouldn't have hidden it. But I had just thought Tavian was still alive. Then a few days later the mating bond snaps into place? He would have killed you, he will kill you for it. I couldn't risk it. I can't."

Azriels face remains a mask, emotionless. Auren's heart plummets.

"I thought I could ignore it, that I could finish the war and deal with Tavian after. Then..." you kissed me, her voice broke, "and I knew I couldn't stay around you and not have the bond completely make itself known. So I left.

"And then Tavian sent me a letter and I decided enough was enough. I got to meet you, and I was no longer that untrained girl he married. I could meet him, and end this once and for all. He had poisoned me while I was in that camp distorting the faebane. He used my human blood against me and made my powers unpredictable. Dangerous. I planned to kill him then."

Auren let out a shakey breath.

"I tried, I could've done it. But I hesitated... then Garca appeared. She had followed me."

No one breathed, Helion stared at Auren, unblinking. His face pale. He had given the order. The one that ultimately led to Garca's death.

"I made the wrong move and he killed her. I was so focused on him, seeing him, it was like I was 20 again and I didn't realize where Garca was."

A tear slipped down her cheek, her breath was rushed. She wanted to run, she wanted wine.

"I will not have another death on my hands." Auren says sharply. "I will not survive another."

Azriel's blinked at her, no doubt not expecting that as her explanation.

"I could've helped you," he breathed, "I would've. I would've protected you."

Emotions slam into Auren, cutting off her air.

"I would've fought him, I could've beat him."

Anger surged finally, Auren bared her teeth. Surging to her feet. Feyre jumping up beside her as her knees buckled.

"My sister died and she was trained for battle from the time she could walk!" Fury settled into her bones, "and yet she died trying to correct the mistakes I made."

Azriel leans back, he breathes slowly, as if to settle himself.

Auren pulls away from the Feyre who tried to reach for her hand, no longer able to handle her racing heart.

"Auren-" Eris speaks, stepping towards her.

"It's fine," she moves from the couch, stumbling slightly.

"I can handle it, Once I heal I'll go after Tavian. I'll end it."

Eris looked at her pained, but it's Rhysand who speaks.

"We can help you. You don't have to
do this on your own." Feyre nodded.

"You have a child now, a family here." Auren shakes her head, putting her face in her hands.

"Auren do not be stupid." Eris snaps finally, "Killing Tavian cannot be done on your own. You're letting your fear control you."

Auren bared her teeth at him, anger making her shoulders tremble.

"We will help you." Azriel whispered, "I will."

"I will not risk it!" Auren finally screamed, turning toward Azriel. Lightening burned in her eyes.

For a moment no one spoke, too shocked at the power flowing through the room. Thunder rumbled outside.

Auren's pure power. No longer hidden or muted.

"He took everything once. And I will not allow him to do it again." She felt tears wet her cheeks but didn't wipe them away.

Auren straightened and looked to the door. She shouldn't have left her room.

Eris's voice cuts through the deafening silence.

"Adie would be ashamed of how afraid you've become. Of the coward you've become." He snapped.

All the thoughts slipped from her mind. Auren reacted.

Thunder boomed across the sky and in between one breath and the next she was in front of him. Her hand wrapped around his throat.

He didn't even have time to respond before lightening pure and blue surged through his body and knocked him on his ass.

Eris choked and coughed, blinking up at Auren. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing but a crock emerged.

"Adie would have abandoned you after what you did to Mor." Auren spat on him. "She would hate you for the snake you've become."

Eris went still, his face pained at her words. He didn't move to get up instead he watched as she turned and left the room.

She limped the whole way.