Chapter Twenty-One - Mistakes

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I can't believe it.

I must be dreaming; this can't be real.

But it is real.

His lips are against mine, moving together in perfect sync. His tongue rhythmically slides over mine. I used to think that it was gross; I mean how can you share your saliva with someone else? But now I see what everyone is talking about when they describe their magical first kiss. I never really believed all the lovey-dovey bullshit that all the girls used say about having that first special kiss, but now I know for sure that they were definitely not fibbing.

This is amazing.

As his body compresses me between him and the elevator wall behind me, a lustful moan sounds from deep in his throat – the vibration makes me tug at his hair and the collar of his hoodie even harder. After exploring his hair with my fingers, my hands travel down to cradle his face, molding his and my lips even closer together.

I've never felt so infinite before in my life.

Unfortunately, the 'ding' of the elevator sounds again, and as rapidly as possible, River unwillingly pushes himself away from me before the doors slide fully open. In front of us stand two nurses and a doctor. They enter the shaft with smiling faces, and the blonde haired nurse presses the first-floor button, then the doctor presses the ground floor button.

I want to laugh at the fact that they are so oblivious to what has just happened in this elevator shaft between River and me.

My eyes instantly glance in his direction to find him staring straight back at me, his hair is ruffled, and his lips swollen. I manage to catch my reflection in the mirror on the wall behind him and notice that I look exactly the same. 

What just happened?

Did I really just kiss him?

He has a girlfriend. 

He has a girlfriend!

I can't go around kissing boys whom already are in a relationship, which goes against all of my morals – but does it count if he is the one who came onto me?

You kissed him back you idiot, that's bad enough.

My eyes lower disappointedly to the floor, too embarrassed and ashamed to look into his. However, I still can't help but hear the little voice in my head that kept screaming at me while our bodies were pressed up against each other as he kissed me.

He likes you, he likes you, he likes you! It repeatedly yelled into my ears, deafening me with happiness.

The happiness has been punched away by reality now. He has a fucking girlfriend. What do I do?

The elevator first stops on the first floor, where both the nurses exit, laughing and chatting amongst themselves. Then, the elevator reaches the ground floor where River gestures for the doctor to step out before we do. With a 'thank you' and a nod, the doctor steps onto the ground floor and walks towards the reception area of the hospital.

My head snaps abruptly in River's direction when he slides his hand into mine and intertwines our fingers. Since he is standing so close to me, his large frame hovers over me, too tall that I have to crane my neck to look up at him. His side is glued to mine as he squeezes my fingers and pulls me along with him. We walk out of the elevator and through the reception area.

He doesn't say a word, and I'm grateful for that because I still haven't fully come to terms with the fact that we just kissed. Instead, his thumb rubs soothingly against the back of my hand. Part of me wants to pull away when another just wants to enjoy it.

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