Forever and Always

Chapter fourteen

***Nikki's POV***

You know the saying 'I hate Monday's'. Yeah well it's my life story at the moment.

After the events on Saturday I felt complete and utterly drained. To the point that when I had work yesterday... I called in sick. Because the last thing I wanted to do was leave the comfort of my home. But here's the thing. I can't afford to take time off if I want to go on maternity leave soon and still have the job after the fact. So guess what, I am forced to go for a seven hour shift today... Yay.

Sense my sarcasm?

So I guess that's where I am now...

As I walk through the streets of LA my stomach is twisting. The events of Saturday still fresh in my mind and the fact that Zoe has been none stop texting and calling me all weekend after Luke's little... Outburst, demanding each time what it was all about which are unsettling. And as much as I was able to dodge her calls and texts I won't be able to avoid her so easily at work.

As I make my way down the bustling Hollywood blvd, my eyes being to wonder and I can't help but let my eyes land on a young couple. By my guess the girls around fifteen years old, and the boy sixteen... Maybe even seventeen. I don't really know.

He was holding her hand as they walked, which was a cute gesture I can only remember doing a few times. The pair had smiles radiating on their faces, and as she looked up at him with complete adoration written in her pale green eyes, he looked down at her too... With the same love, maybe even more residing in his gaze. I couldn't help but smile. They're so lucky to have found someone that loves them, actually loves them. She didn't find a boy who was just with her for the fun of having sex. She wouldn't have to live with the heartbreak of learning he never loved her. Because if they do break-up, she'll know that at one time he did look at her and feel all warm inside.

As my mind began to wander about the love between the two teenagers. I snapped my head forward again, trying not to think about how lucky they were to have real love, not something fake. And that's when my eyes landed on a pregnant couple.

The girl was, what I guess, about seven months pregnant. She was standing on the sidewalk, leaning up against a large palm tree as her boyfriend was on on his knees, both his large hands cupped around her very pregnant belly. As he leaned in to kiss her bump, I couldn't help but think about how I'll never have that. The father of my child will never be able to share such a touching moment with me... He'll never actually love me enough to do that.

A tear ran down my face. I had to look away. And so I did, but of course with my luck my gaze landed on a couple walking in front of me with their child who I guess is around three years old, when suddenly they stopped walking and the man grabbed his girlfriends hand, before leaning on one knee. He said a few words-of which I couldn't hear, not like I wanted to, it would be too upsetting- before the little girl grabbed a ring box out of her little minnie mouse purse.

God why can't I just walk to work in peace without seeing all of the things I'll never have!

At this point tears were violently running down my face. And thank god that I could see the cafe only a few feet away from me. I could not take anymore of this.

Entering the cafe I was instantly meet with the warm cent of burgers and fries. I know what you're going to say... That's gross, you enjoy the greasy smell of burgers and fries?

Well yes. It's not that I enjoy it per-say... It's just calming. And I don't even know why.

"Hey Nikki," came a voice from behind me, a voice I have learned to know and love these past few months, " Why haven't you been answering any of my phone calls or texts." Zoe says looking puzzled. I mean I don't blame her, she must feel really left in the dark as to why I am mad at her.

"Sorry Zoe, I've just not been in the mood for anything lately."

"Oh well, I was just wanting to talk to you. You could've texted me saying that you wanted to be left alone for a bit."

"I know, I'm sorry I really should have said that I wanted to be alone," I frowned, "So what did you want to talk about?"

"Nothing in particular. I was just really confused about what was going on with Luke and I thought since it appears you guys used to be friends... You might've had an idea." Zoe said with a frown on her face.

"Well I'm sorry that I can't help you. But if it helps I think he may like you." I smiled as best as I could, but something surprised me, that pain in my chest that came along with the burden of Luke not loving me was very slim, as if maybe I was finally okay with him not loving me. I wish I was.

A piercing and excited scream escape Zoe's lips as she began to jump up and down. And by the look on her face I knew something was up.

"He gave me tickets and backstage passes for their show on Friday. And guess what the best part is," she paused, looking at me like she actually expected me to make a guess... But I think I have an idea why Luke would be giving Zoe tickets.

I told him to ask Zoe out, and I meant it... Kinda.

I know what you're probably thinking, it's probably along the lines of "She's so bipolar," or "You told him to date her, it's your own fault." I'm just as confused as you are, trust me. And I know that I brought this upon myself. I was the one who liked him, then let him take my virginity like it was no big deal, and after all the shit he did I fell in love with him. I fell for the blue eyed boy, who had sexual relations with almost every girl in a miles radius. I fell in love with the boy who needed to get wasted every weekend to feel alive. I fell in love with the boy who told a plastic doll how pretty he thought I was. I fell in love...

And here's the thing about love that isn't written in any romance novel, something no one tells you.

To be able to feel love, you have to feel pain. When you truly love someone they can hurt you, they can make you cry with only a few words. You can dislike as many people as you want, but you can only truly hate someone you love. Love is blinding, it comes without warning and then consumes every single minute of your life. It's hard and confusing... And most of all, it makes you say things you don't mean.

Like I didn't mean to tell him to date Zoe, I want him to date me.

I didn't mean to tell him that I didn't want him to be the babies father.

And most of all, I didn't mean anything I said that night in his car.