Beetlejuice (Male Lydia x Maddie)

Chapter 4

THE MAITLANDS: (ghostly.) Leave this house! Leave this house!

ADAM: What the heck did they do to our house?

BARBARA: You can't make every wall an accent wall!

LEVI: Excuse me, are you ghosts? (THE MAITLANDS nod.) Oh my god! This house is haunted!

ADAM: Barbara, run! Hide! I can't see! Stupid sheet!, (Ad lib.)

LEVI: Dead Mom? I asked you to send me a sign. Is this it? Wait come back!

ADAM: Oh god! That was a disaster. I thought these were twin sheets! They're queens!

LEVI: Greetings, ghosts. My name is Levi Deetz. Do not be afraid.

BARBARA: Why aren't you afraid of us?

LEVI: Because, you're not scary. (a beat.) Unless, are you horribly disfigured? Is that why you're wearing those sheets? Can I see?

BARBARA: We're just a normal couple. I'm Barbara and this is Adam. We used to live here.

ADAM: I'm confused, you can see us without the sheets. We were told living people ignore the strange and unusual.

BARBARA: But not you.

LEVI: Perhaps that's because I myself, am strange and unusual.

BARBARA: You seem like a normal boy to me.

ADAM: So, Levi since you can see us, let me get right to the point. Do you think you would mind leaving and never coming back?

BARBARA: Adam!

ADAM: I don't mean him, I mean his family.

LEVI: We're not a family. We are father, a son, and Delia.

BARBARA: Your mother, she...?

LEVI: She died.

BARBARA: Oh, Levi, I am so sorry.

LEVI: Yeah, me too. 'Cuz, she'd love this! I mean, real ghosts? We used to make the haunted houses in the garage, but, in the summer so no one expected it. Except, this one year we tried to do a classic horror theme. Mom was the ghost of Edgar Allan Poe! I thought she was terrifying, but nobody knew who she was. People don't read. Sorry, I don't mean to bore you guys, talking about my mom.

BARBARA: We don't mind!

LEVI: Really? My dad never wants me to talk about her. It's like against the law at my house.

ADAM: Well, hey I do not see any cops around here!

BARBARA: Adam, that was awful!

LEVI: No, it was adorable. It was like the perfect dad joke!

ADAM: Oh yeah? Well I'm warning you because I got millions of 'em. And I never got the chance to use them while I was alive. So.

LEVI: I really like you guys. This is the first nice moment I've had since I got here.

BARBARA: This is the first nice moment we've had since...since we died.

LEVI: I don't have a lot of friends so, if I have to live in this stupid house, at least I know I'll have you guys in the attic.

ADAM: I'm sorry, I have to say it, this house is not stupid. It's a classic Victorian with the original crown molding.

BARBARA: Adam.

ADAM: And your dad has made some big mistakes with the interior design!

BARBARA: Adam, that's not why he doesn't like it here.