Beetlejuice (Male Lydia x Maddie)

Chapter 2

LEVI: I'm alone. I am utterly alone. Except for you, Dead Mom. Hey Mom, Dead Mom. I need a little help here, I'm prob'ly talking to myself here. But Dead Mom, I gotta ask, are you really in the ground? Cause I feel you all around me, are you here, Dead Mom? Dead Mom. You know... This house is actually pretty interesting. I'm sure Dad will ruin it. Dead Mom, I'm tired of tryin' to iron out my creases. I'm a bunch of broken pieces, it was you who made me whole. Every day Dad's starin' at me, like all, "Hurry up, get happy, move along, forget about your mom" Cause Daddy's in denial, daddy doesn't wanna feel. He wants me to smile and clap like a performing seal. Ignored it for a while, but Daddy's lost his mind for real. You won't believe the mess that we've become. You're my home, my destination and I'm your clone, your strange creation. You held my hand and life came easy. Now jokes don't land and no one sees me. Nothing seems to fit, Mama, is this it? Are you receiving? I want something to believe in or I'm done. Take me where my soul can run or I'll be in my bedroom, wake me when I'm twenty-one. Daddy's moving forward, Daddy didn't lose a mom. Mama won't you send a sign? I'm running out of hope and time, a plague of mice, a lightning strike or drop a nuclear bomb! No more playing Daddy's game, I'll go insane if things don't change. Whatever it takes to make him say your name Dead Mom.

BEETLEJUICE: So then, I was like Let's do this! And then she was like "But I don't have any baby oil!" and then I was like "Well, I've got some guacamole." And that is how I 'made nachos' with Catherine Hepburn.

BARBARA: I'm sorry, why are we in the attic?

MADDIE: Oh yeah right! I'm gonna teach you guys how to be ghosts!

ADAM: Oh! Barbara, it's like one of our classes!

BARBARA: Yeah! We take all these adult recreational classes, you know, ballroom dancing, backyard composting,

ADAM: We just took this amazing glass blowing class

BARBARA: It was SO hard! We mostly just watched and drank wine.

ADAM: Yeah. And the teacher was Wiccan! So... kinda like this...

BEETLEJUICE: I am not Wiccan, and that is nothing like this. Don't you wanna get these people out of your house?

ADAM: Definitely.

MADDIE: Well then you have to learn how to scare them!

BARBARA: Can't you just scare the people for us?

BEETLEJUICE: Oh, Babs, I would LOVE that. Nothing would give me more pleasure than to kill those people downstairs.

ADAM: Kill?!??!? Hold on! We do not want to kill people!

MADDIE: It's a figure of speech Adam, okay? Jesus Christ, why do you gotta be so sexy? Now here's the problem. Right now, no matter what I do, I cannot affect the world of the living. But the three of you can. So, what do you say?

THE MAITLANDS: Let's do it!

BEETLEJUICE: Okay! So, on the count of three just yell out the scariest thing you can think of! 1...2...3!

BARBARA: THE TRADER JOE'S PARKING LOT!

ADAM: The electoral college! Why is Ohio so powerful?!

BARBARA: Ooh... I wanna change my answer!

MADDIE: Okay, listen up, I'm not gonna lie. Right now, you couldn't frighten a fly or scare a seagull off of a fry, you ever stop to ask yourselves "why?" The three of you are super polite, middle class, suburban, and white. Well, all of that is finished tonight, except for the white part, obviously. Take your places, I want scary faces, now go! Bigger, further, harder, not bad. Sever a head, preferably someone you know.