The Queen of Death (Sherlock bbc fan fiction)

The City Of Sleeping People part 5

Sherlock's POV

The part in the ambulance is all a blur. I just remember myself holding her cold hand. Looking at her face, trying to memorise her face which I was sure that I could never forget. There still was a tear on her cheek which I wiped away gently.

The next moment I remember is waiting. I was standing in front of the surgery rooms door. John was asking me to sit down but I couldn't find strength to move.

Then the doctor came.

"Jane Austen." The doctor said. "I am sorry for your loss."

It was all over...she was gone. With her I felt my soul leave my body. All the things I felt when I was with her. My body was rejecting living in her absence. My heart wasn't beating, my lungs wasn't breathing and my feet wasn't standing. I sat down on one of the benches. I felt tears falling. 

How will I live without her? How will I live with the love she left behind? I knew at that moment that I was going to spend a lifetime remembering her. 

The memories were hurting me. But the thing that hurt me most was unsaid words. The words I kept in my heart and I will never have change to let out again.

My brain was foggy and I was storing the memories. I couldn't delete them, however seeing and living them again was painful. As I stored most of them I was back to the reality. My heart was beating again in pain. I was feeling empty like an important part of me was torn away.

I saw John siting on the floor across the room. He raised his head too. 

"What do we do now?" John asked the exact same question I had been asking to myself from the time she died.

"I don't know." I said difficulty. "Don't we need to inform others?"

"We do" John replied, took his phone out and called. "Lestrade, she is gone." 

Lestrade, Molly, Mrs.Hudson, Rosy and even Mycroft came to the hospital. There were some document work and funeral planned on the next day.

Mycroft was trying to help me not knowing that nothing can help me. I was broken and was feeling guilty for not being able to protect Jane from Eurus.

I wanted it to be the end. I wanted these moments to be the last chapter of my life like it was hers. But the reality was different. Truth was that she was gone and I had to stay for her. I had to live a good life like she said.