A Love Worth Having

Chapter 15 - Truth and Adversity

“Saryah… what are you talking about?” Ben moved to the couch, needing space and wanting to be able to listen objectively. He went against his gut feeling to walk out of the room and go get a beer. He might still, but he thought it was only fair to hear her out first.

Saryah, stunned by his sudden move across the room, hugged the pillow he left, heaved a sigh and began her secret story. “Four years ago, I met Mark. Tall, dark, handsome, good head on his shoulder, yadda, yadda, yadda. We were in Calculus together. I tutored him. He helped me with my Computer course. We started dating shortly after that. Two months later, he proposed.”

She stood up, walked to the window, looking out at the city but not really seeing it. Mark’s face floated in front of her, but so did Ben’s. He looked so serious, and now that she’d admitted to herself, and to him, that she loved him, she might lose him. He stared, silent and unmoved, as she gathered her thoughts to continue.

“We celebrated in the most intimate way. He was my first and only. We didn’t know for two months that I was pregnant. When I found out, he insisted I get an abortion.” She stopped, the emotions clouding her voice.

Arms surrounded her. A hand stroked her hair. “It’s okay. I’m here to listen. Honestly, I’m having trouble processing all of it, but I want to hear your story. Obviously, no one else knows about it, and you need to get this out.” He nuzzled her neck and pulled her back to the couch.

“Are you sure? I mean, this isn’t exactly what I had planned for the evening. And what we had going on a little while ago? I wanted it.” She looked him straight in the face, kissed him gently. “I wanted you, Ben. I promise. It wasn’t that. I just…”

“Shh. I know. You got scared. Take a couple of deep breaths and keep going.”

“I went to the appointment, but,” she inhaled a deep and ragged breath, gathering her deepest strength. His hand squeezed hers, providing comfort. “I couldn’t do it. I’m not a churchy person, but I knew it was wrong. I decided to have the baby. Mark wasn’t on board. We had a huge fight about it. I gave him the ring back and told him I’d raise the baby alone before I would end the pregnancy. We didn’t speak until I was nine months pregnant. He decided he wanted to try again. I had already signed papers, agreeing to an open adoption and the parents were taking care of everything from hospital bills to clothing and food if I needed it. They even came to Lamaze classes with me. Mark and I eventually repaired our relationship, but never made love again after that first time, and we remained on friendly terms until I left Atlanta. We haven’t spoken since then. That is, until today, when he walked into the dress shop.”

“I guess that’s why you were so quiet at the food court, huh? What about the baby? You said it was an open adoption. Does that mean you get to see your child?”

“He turned three a few weeks ago. I get to see him a few times a year. In fact, if I hadn’t been injured, I would’ve seen him Thanksgiving weekend. His name’s Joey. He lives in Kentucky with a couple who never had their own children, at least, not for a couple of years after they adopted Joey. They now have a baby girl named Jasmine. She’s beautiful. Joey loves having a little sister. He calls me Aunt Sarah… he can’t seem to say my name right. I guess they plan on telling him someday, but it’s their decision to make. The hardest part is him not calling me “mommy” but Anna really is a fantastic mom, and she deserves the title. Josh is amazing with him. He takes him fishing, hiking, riding bikes, and even has him in a little kid’s Karate class. He’s getting the life I couldn’t give him at the time. I get pictures and cards all the time, and they even send me his scribbles.”

Ben smiled. The sadness seemed to melt when she started talking about Joey. “I bet he’s amazing, like his mother.”

“BIRTH mother. I can’t wait to see him again. He’s so full of life, and adorable. I do have his gift to send for Christmas already to go. I may even go see him at New Year’s. I usually go stay with him so Anna and Josh can go out and have a date night. I don’t know if they will this year, with Jazzy being so small and all.”