Luna's fight with Anorexia Nervosa (true story)

18

December 2010, 13 years old
POV Luna (diary)

I went to Sylvia from creative therapy this afternoon.
I'm going to start on a guitar and piano and I hope I can do it well because that's so cool.
I've been watching videos of actrices and The Voice for a couple of days now.
I wish I was this pretty as they are and and sing and act as good.
And I?
I can't do anything.
I also want to be this good at something.
I secretly hope that because of the creative therapy I suddenly become very good at acting or making music.
I wanna have a career in something I love and I wanna be famous, I would love that.
I ran into a few friends this week.
'Ooooh you look so good and you're glowing again.'
Blah blah blah I think.
I can't be pretty and I can't be glowing.
So I'm probably staying at this school and I'm going to redo my class but then I'm gonna do the culture class, in which I hope to achieve something I guess.
I'm really nervous.
I just to have a appearance that everyone know: when you're talking about Luna you're talking about someone impactful.
But yeah, this all makes no sense.
I don't think I'll every achieve that, I think I'll be lonely and alone in an old house later with ugly furniture and clothes and a useless job, just all I didn't want.
This letter is stupid, it doesn't make any sense at all, just like everything of me.
That's  why I'm sitting alone again at every break at school and in class too and I can't wait to get out of this class.
I really hate going to school.

Good intentions 2011
Food:
- eating healthily
- stopping with purging and never binge food
- never overthinking about food or other stuff

Look wise:
- growing 20cm
- taking really good care of my skin
- shopping less, but only buying something when I really want it
- sleeping better
- not biting my nails

Family:
- helping mom & dad
- not ruining the atmosphere at the table
- making it up with my family
- giving love to people (especially to the people I love)
- doing fun stuff with mom and dad
- treating mom and dad well

School, sports & free time
- meeting a lot with friends
- KISSING!
- giving my all at school
- daring to go to hockey camp
- first making homework and then doing other things
- a lot of reading, exercising & learning
- keeping my room and wardrobe clean
- being nice to teachers and classmates

Luna:
- stopping with showing off
- being happy
- enjoying everyday

A/n:
I'll update soon but I just adopted 2 bearded dragons, it's holiday season and my mental health decided to act up, so I'm a bit busy. 😅
(I'm diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, c-ptsd, anorexia, alcohol addiction, and more)