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"The weight of the things that remained unspoken, built up so much they crushed us everyday"

Izi's POV

It was finally time. I'd gotten dressed, pulling an oversized white t-shirt out of my drawers and pairing it with a pair of tight black jeans. I was buzzing with anticipation as I waved down a cab and hopped inside, soon enough he pulled up out the front of the arena. I thanked him and handed him my money as he pulled away from the curb. I took a look around. Young girls all decked out in 1D merch, older girls with low cut tops and short skirts out to impress the boys. I smiled to myself as I remembered the first time I saw them live. I was 18, I'd been so excited that I couldn't sleep the night before, I'd spent hours trying to decide what I was going to wear.. oh, and I spent the entire show crying from happiness. I smirked to myself as I relived all the memories I'd had with my friends and with complete strangers because of these boys. Nothing could compare to them. I walked in and scanned my ticket. The arena was huge, much bigger than the one I'd seen them in back home. The usher smiled as I handed him my ticket, directing me down onto the floor and to my seat. When I sat down I pulled out my phone and scrolled through the contacts. I hovered over Preston's name for a moment. Should I call? My hands were shaking.. I hesitated, before biting the bullet and clicking 'call'. It only rang twice before he answered;
"Hello, Preston Mahon."

"Ah, hi it's Izi." My voice cracking slightly at the thought he may not know who I was.

"Izi! How are you? Are you here?" His deep voicing boomed from the other end of the phone. I breathed a sigh of relief as I answered him;
"I'm good. Yeah, just in my seat now.."

"Awesome, hold tight for a few minutes and I'll come get you. Alright?"

"Yep, see you soon."
He hung up. I sat nervously, I don't think I waited more than two minutes before his familiar face appeared in front of me.

"You good to go?" he smiled down at me and reached out his hand to help me up. I accepted and he pulled me to my feet.

"Yep, let's go!" I chirped as he turned and lead me underneath the arena. I ignored the dirty looks from fans as we walked past. I followed him through corridor after corridor
until we came to a open dressing room.

"Just wait in here for a bit and I'll go grab him. Think he's getting his hair done, the princess." He joked, sensing my discomfort and trying to lighten the mood. I just nodded and smiled at him as he left the room. I leant against the table in the middle of the room, observing the fact that this dressing room obviously wasn't being used considering how clean and tidy it was. Ten or so minutes went by before I heard footsteps coming towards the door. My legs nearly buckled underneath me and my breathing sped up rapidly as 'he' stepped into the room. His eyes meeting mine straight away, a shy smile playing on his lips.

"Hey, Izi, yeah?" he took a few steps towards me and held out his hand,
"Thought we should meet properly."

I smiled and extended my arm, shaking his hand. His hands were so big, they nearly covered mine entirely. The warmth of his fingers sending electricity up my arm. Our hands lingered for slightly too long, so I pulled my hand away slowly and let my arm fall by my side. A thick silence washed over us as we looked at each other.

"Listen, about last night.." He spoke suddenly,

"Don't worry about it. Seriously. It's fine." I cut in. His eyes falling from my face to his own feet.

"No, it's not fine. It wasn't fair that a fan had to see me in that state.." He played with the rings on his fingers for a moment.

"So why do you do it?" I shot back at him. His eyes turning to meet mine, clearly taken aback by the question.

"Ah, It's hard to explain.." His large hand reaching up to run through his hair, "I can't do the whole famous thing without it. I need a pick me up and that's the best way I've found." He looked so guilty. My eyes stayed trained on his for a few moments until we were distracted by a voice in the hallway;

"Alright!" He called back, turning again to face me. I crossed my arms against my chest and smiled wryly at him,

"I'm not going to tell anyone, so you don't have to worry about your perfect image being tainted."
I don't know why I was being so bitter towards him, six months ago I would have collapsed into his arms telling him how much I loved him. His eyes narrowed at my words, but he looked more hurt than angry.

"I want to stop, but I can't. It's all I have to keep me from going mad while I'm living this life." His tongue traced the inside of his lip nervously.

"You need to get your life in order. Or you're going to end up as part of the 27 club, and that's not how you want to be remembered."
His jaw clenched as he took in my harsh words.

"Thanks for the heads up." He replied sarcastically. His gaze upon my eyes still not faltering.

"You know I'm just trying to help. My God! Do you think it's easy seeing someone in that state? Let alone someone you've loved and admired for years?" I was almost yelling now and I was on the verge of bursting into tears. He rubbed his face with his hands in frustration, moving them into his hair to rest them on top of his head.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, his eyes now unable to meet mine.
I shook my head angrily looking down at my feet. A knock came from the doorway, both our heads shooting up to find Preston leaning against the door frame.

"Time to go H." He said, turning from the boy in front of me and giving me a big smile. I reciprocated it, he was a good person for doing all of this. Even if it hadn't turned out how I'd expected. Harry nodded at him before he turned back to me.

"Please let me talk to you about this. Can you come back after the show?" He whispered it calmly but his eyes begged me to say yes. I nodded at him, before giving him a shy smile and going to stand with Preston so he could lead me back to my seat. I didn't turn to look back at Harry, and only lifted my head when Preston asked if I was okay. I faked a smile and nodded, which seemed to be good enough for him and he lead me back into the packed stadium.

"So I'll see you after the show?" He questioned.

"Yep!" I mustered a fake smile and thanked him as he headed back underground. I, however, headed back up the stairs and out of the stadium. I wasn't going to see him again after the show, I couldn't do it.

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