The next day in Mumbai brought with it the weight of reality for Ishan. As the morning sun cast its golden glow on the city, Ishan took a deep breath, preparing himself for the conversation he needed to have with his brother, who had been a pillar of support throughout his life.
Ishan locked himself up in his shared room and sat down as the call was going to be really long.
After a few rings, the call connected, and his brother's voice greeted him. "Hey, Ishu, what's up? Is everything okay? You finally remember your brother."
" Raj bhaiya, you know I love you a lot right?"Ishan says.
"I thought you didn't need money as the cricket council is giving you enough, How much do you need?" Raj says laughing at the sudden love confession from his little sibling, However, old Ishan got, he will always be that two-year-old toddler.
"Bhaiya, No. It isn't about money."
"It's not? Is it about that Niyati? Are you guys finally getting married?" Ishan's brother's voice came out somewhat quirky now.
"No bhai, We've broken up. Listen to me seriously. I'm not in the mood for joking." Ishan says sternly pouting at his brother, His brother never took him seriously.
"Bubba, Everything okay? I'm sorry. I'll listen now." Raj listens attentively sensing the seriousness in Ishan's voice.
"Bubba, Everything okay? I'm sorry. I'll listen now." Raj listens attentively sensing the seriousness in Ishan's voice.
"Iaminlovewithaguyandi'msodisgustedofmyselfbutican'thelpbutfallinginlovedeeper." Ishan rapped as he ranted to his brother with mere frustration.
"Elaborate please, I am pretty sure I didn't get you,"
Ishan took a deep breath, realizing he needed to slow down and articulate his feelings more clearly. "Bhaiya, I'm in love with a guy, and I can't help but feel disgusted with myself because society doesn't accept it. But it's deeper than anything I've felt before, and I can't deny it."
"Ishan, are you saying...you're in love with a guy? Are you sure about it?" Raj asks trying to process what Ishan had just told him.
"Yes, I am sure," Ishan says with certainty lingering in his voice.
"Maybe you're just messed up right now, You know how indecisive you can be right? You're in a delusion."
Ishan waited for his brother to continue, He hadn't expected a better reaction Ishan couldn't believe himself in the first place, How could anyone else be alright with homosexuality?
It was considered to be a sin, But when it feels right, It's worth it.
"Ishu, I don't know what to say..."
"It's Shubi, I just realised that what I had for him isn't just friendship."
"Shubman? Bub, you're in confusion, No man can be in love with another man. " Raj said poisoning Ishan's already confused mind.
"Bhai, You think I'm unsure about this?"
"Well... You always had a hard time deciding on something."
"I never had a hard time, Ma and Baba always forced me to think whatever they tell me is right. I never had the chance to go with my decision. Do you remember the day when I had to convince Baba to play cricket? He thought I was just another teenager who had silly dreams."
"When did I ever get the chance to do what I like, I've lived as an ideal son, Ideal brother, and Ideal human following whatever society has been telling me to do. It's my life na bhaiya? When will I ever get to live my own life according to my terms?"
Raj listened in silence, the weight of Ishan's words sinking in. He realized that this wasn't just a passing confusion for his brother. The struggle was real, and Ishan had carried it for a long time.
"Ishu, I never knew... I mean, I always thought you were happy with the way things were," Raj admitted, the guilt of not understanding his brother's silent battles evident in his voice.
"I never wanted to burden anyone with my problems, bhaiya. I've always been the 'responsible one,' the one who had to follow the path laid out for him," Ishan confessed, his frustration turning into tears.
"Bhaiya, I never wanted to disappoint you or Ma and Baba. But I can't keep denying who I am. I can't keep pretending."
"Ishu, I agree that whatever you feel for shubman is more than friendship. But how will the society react? How will Ma and baba react? Will you be able to withstand the taming to your reputation?"
"Bhai, I know this isn't natural. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way but, I told you because I had to. You are one of the most important people in my life. It's so confusing right now, but bhai I don't need your help. I want to do it my way, I want to do it with Shubman on my side."
Raj sighed, torn between societal expectations and his love for his brother. "Ishu, you know it's not going to be easy, right? Society can be harsh, and Ma and Baba might not understand."
"I know, bhaiya. I've thought about it. But I can't live a lie anymore. I've seen Shubman as more than just a friend, and I can't deny what I feel. I want to face it, no matter how hard it is," Ishan expressed with a mixture of determination and vulnerability.
Raj, despite his initial shock, found himself respecting Ishan's honesty and courage. "Ishu, I want you to be happy. It's just... it's a lot to take in, and I worry about how it'll impact our family."
"I understand, bhaiya. I'm not asking you to understand everything right away. Just know that I've thought about this a lot. I want to be true to myself, and I hope, in time, you can see that too," Ishan responded, his voice carrying a deep sincerity.
"And what if I tell you my true happiness is with shubman? Will you still be happy about it?" Ishan continues.
Raj sighed deeply, wrestling with his convictions and the love he felt for his brother. "Ishu, it's not about me being happy. It's about you facing a world that might not be ready to accept this. I'm worried about the hardships you might face."
"Why do you keep repeating the same thing bhai? I'm not a kid anymore, I understand that. Please do not try stopping me. And, I understand if you'll need time or you will never understand."
"It's not about accepting or not accepting. It's about the world out there-"
"Don't keep saying that, If you, being my kin do not accept me, how will the world accept me for who I am truly?" Ishan asks interrupting his brother, This conversation was going to give him a headache later on.
"I need time to process this, We'll talk later when I am back in Mumbai." The call ends leaving a sobbing Ishan.
That was a bad move, He should have decided to keep his secret facade for a few more weeks. or months, or maybe even years.
What had he done? What had his recklessness done? Ishan felt like killing himself.
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Under the stars I A Shubman gill x Ishan kishan Fanfiction
Fanfiction"I don't remember falling in love with you. I just remember holding your hand realizing how much it was going to hurt when i would have to let it go." How it all happened when it wasn't supposed to, How everything made sense when it shouldn't have...
