Why? What did I do to make him not want me? To make him turn from me into the words of a stranger? I was faithful. I did love him. I was available. I did want. He was there in body but his mind wandered. I asked for attention. I worked on me. I changed my hair. I changed my look. I TRIED. I failed. We failed. I begged him, I humiliated myself and I will NEVER be her again. His unfaithfulness before marriage was pain, his unfaithfulness after marriage was unbearable. His unfaithfulness through the years became less and less painful until it stopped hurting and just angered. That time when he sent money to her cut deep and the time he humiliated me, in our bed, bled out the remainder of my love for him as a husband. We exist in this marriage, he cares for his children, he provides for us. But he doesn't have the capability to bring back the love, neither do I. I can't be the person I was before, she died that night in our bed.
When did he?
