I Let Myself Want You

19 ● Jesper ● 31.12.2022

December 31st, 2022

Jesper, New York

I got a date tonight, and to be honest, I was a little nervous about it. I was actually texting with the guy the whole week, just to get to know him a little better, because I wanted to be sure that I actually found someone normal. After all, my mom said that I should be careful about it, so that I wouldn't find another Jay.

I was supposed to meet him at eight in some restaurant, which was nice, because I wasn't really keen on going to a club or something like that, so I was happy that he decided on dinner.

His name was Scott and he was an anesthetic nurse. Turns out he was from my hospital and he actually knew me, we even had some surgeries together. It was a bit weird, I felt like an idiot for not knowing him, but nonetheless I was happy that the guy seemed normal. I mean, he had to be normal since he worked in medicine, right?

We met at some fancy restaurant, two blocks from my house, which I kind of liked, because I could quickly run away if I wanted. When I saw him in person though, I didn't want to run at all, because Scott was quite good looking. He wasn't my type at all, like seriously, everything was different, but still, he looked good. He was a blonde guy, a little bit shorter than me, with green eyes and a childlike smile. I never liked blondes for some reason, maybe because it was the opposite of Yohan, but for some reason, I liked the way Scott looked.

I think we spent like three hours in the restaurant, just talking, getting to know each other, and it was great. I found out that he was a little younger than me, by two years in fact. He just got out of a relationship, like three months ago, and he said he was finally ready to date people, that's why I was basically his first date in a while. He seemed genuinely nice, I didn't think there was anything wrong with him, honestly, which could be a bit alarming, but I wasn't about to question that. I liked him and I thought it was a good idea, going out tonight.

After dinner, we decided to just go walk around the city and eventually we ended up in some bar. We got a drink, sat in some secluded booth and talked, just talked, like seriously a lot. It was nearing midnight when I was thinking about taking the guy home.

I was never the type to do one night stands, but it wouldn't be like that. I genuinely liked him and I thought that maybe we could start seeing each other some more. I wouldn't mind that. It looked like Scott liked me as well, but he wasn't pushy like Jay, he was simply nice and actually interested in me.

That's why it didn't surprise me when he came over to sit next to me on the other end of the booth, when he was close enough for us to kiss, and when he eventually kissed me, making sure that I was fine with it first. And kissing him, well, it felt weird. It wasn't bad, I wouldn't say it was good either, it was just different. I've always hated the way Jay kissed, because he was really aggressive about it. And when it came to Yohan, it obviously felt different as well, because I had serious feelings for him and I loved the way he kissed. With Scott though, it was simply a change, a nice change, that I wasn't expecting, I guess.

I thought that I should thank my mother for pushing me to try and date people, because I was really glad that I met Scott, and tonight was truly great. When the kissing started getting more serious and it was getting a little hot in the bar, I thought about leaving. I wanted to go home and take him with me, I wanted to have sex with him, I wanted to feel something, something other than pain and disappointment, and I thought that I could actually maybe have something good with him.

Yet before I could even speak, before I could tell him about it, offer for us to go to my place, we were interrupted by something. It was my pager. What was weird, was that I got a page from doctor Barnes, which put me on edge and I run out of the bar right away, knowing that it had to be serious.