Grab a box of tissues, your favorite beverage, and get ready to read the emotional journey of Sophia Lancaster.
Her heart was broken in the worst possible way, and only moments before her wedding was to take place. Not only did Sophia learn her Fian...
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July 22, 1890
It's very early right now and I have barely slept a wink all night. My mind is consumed with thoughts about my upcoming surgery this morning and over leaving the ranch last night.
I spent my last day there being as helpful as possible. That gave me plenty of time to spend in the company of Missus Cox and Hope, both of whom I have grown closer to. I shall miss them both so much! While we were doing the wash, I told Missus Cox about my decision to leave. She said I should give it some more time, that she felt Travis was beginning to see the merits of my being there. If she only knew what happened between us the other night. Of course, I shall never say anything about that. It shall remain another secret I keep.
There were a couple moments where I almost confessed to her about the surgery. I am so scared and long for someone to talk to about it. Deep down I knew she would tell Travis and I just don't want him knowing. Things would be so different if Travis and I shared a love story. But I am just a mail-order bride brought here to take care of practical needs. Not ones of emotions. My medical issues, whatever they are, will be my cross to bear.
Perhaps if he and I were in love, better acquainted, or if our marriage wasn't going to end soon, I would feel comfortable doing so, but under the circumstances, I just don't feel it's something worth sharing.
Now if he were Jeremy on the other hand, I would have done so in a heartbeat. We had that type of closeness. Heck, Jeremy is a doctor so he more than likely would have noticed something was wrong and insisted on me getting it checked out. Oh Jeremy. Why did he betray me? I never would have thought he'd be unfaithful. My heart cannot seem to get over the loss of him as quickly as my mind wishes it to.
It's as if in a single one of my teardrops I can see the women in this world crying too. I can now empathize with all the women in history who have been betrayed by the man she loves. I am not alone; there are so many others like me out there.
Now that I am no longer intact, I cannot even begin to think of how I will start over in a new place unless I claim to be a widower, which is lying. I have also been thinking about my lack of virginity now and how selfish Travis was to take that from me knowing full well he will be rid of me soon. What if I were to fall in love someday and wanted to get married? Surely the new husband would know I was not a virgin, so how do I explain that unless I pretended to be a widow? Oh, just thinking about all of this gives me such a headache and it's the same thoughts that go through my mind all the time. Travis did ask me to stay before we shared that moment of intimacy, but I think he was just caught up in the moment. He's said nothing since, especially when I was leaving last night and saying my goodbyes. Well, he did say he would be in touch very soon and asked if I would be staying at The Windsor again. I told him I would be, but that is only until I go to Elsie's and he knows nothing of that.
