LACUNA | YOONMIN

5

"For me, your birthday is the most important day in the world."

Jimin raised his voice but wasn't angry.

"Don't lie, Hyung!"

Namjoon looked at me with disappointment. Most likely, if I were flirting with Jimin in another universe, he would tell me to my face that this was a very clumsy flirting attempt, but even if he didn't say it, I could understand everything from his facial expression.

"At least lick your lips before you lie." He said.

It wasn't a lie. Jimin's birthday was really important to me. Jimin himself, his existence and everything was very important to me. Even the reason I went to was because I wanted Jimin to be better. He was the reason. Jimin was the reason for everything I did after I realized that I was in love with him.

"We need to throw you a big farewell party before you leave. I'll take care of this. When do you plan to tell the group that you're leaving, Hyung?"

It was surprising me. He knew I didn't like all of this. Jimin was the best person who knew that I didn't like such loud farewells and extravagant parties, but this was his way of expressing his inner anger.

It wasn't hard for me to understand this. He wanted me to understand this anyway. I understood. As I continued to sit without making a sound, I realized that I could not sit any longer under Namjoon's gaze moving between the two of us, and I went out to the balcony. I could hear Namjoon's muffled voices from inside.

''Why Party?''

"People will miss him a lot, right Namjoon Hyung? I guess I can't be the one to blame since I'll make sure he says goodbye to everyone properly. You probably didn't think Yoongi Hyung would throw a party. He never does. On his behalf, I must take this upon myself."

''On his behalf? Oh, I understand.''

Jimin... Jimin... Jimin... He knew everything about me best and he possessed me in a way that no one would dare to remove him from that throne. These were all the things that made it difficult for me to continue staying here. If he possessed me this much, I would devote myself completely to him, but I couldn't. I was in love, he wasn't. These feelings were different. Our feelings were the same in direction but had different meanings.

Days and even weeks passed with intense preparation. June is over, July has come and gone. First, I tried to spend a lot of time with my family and put everything I needed to do in Korea in order. Jimin was with me when I bought my plane ticket. He spent time with me every day. I was happy with that. No one could give me the serenity and peace that his presence next to me gave me. We spent our remaining time walking barefoot on the sand of the beach and spending time accompanied by the warm breezes of August. We met as a group almost two or three times a week.

These were the summer days that I had the most fun in my life and that I will never forget, but they were also the ones that hurt my heart the most.

Experiencing both emotions to the extreme made me tired. The reason for the imbalance between Jimin exciting me and some of the things he said leaving deep wounds in my heart was only me.

To meet our group, I arrived a little early and went to that hidden shore where we always meet, where the beach was the cleanest and no one knew about it. We found it by chance while cycling with Jimin. It was not a public beach, so there was no proper road to the beach. It felt like we were exploring a cave by climbing down through big rocks. From that day on, it became our shelter.

The beach was perhaps only wide enough for thirty people. The right and left sides of the beach were surrounded by rocks and therefore it was sheltered. It was a miracle that only us had discovered it. We even managed to make a box-like thing out of large and small pieces of wood between two sheltered rocks and hide small things like a picnic blanket and a floor cushion so that we could sit on the beach when we got there.