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25 Fading Zen

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It is 9-o'-clock and Louis hears Harry pull into the parking lot. He puts his computer to sleep and shuts down his office.

He is walking towards the door when Harry walks in. He looks completely different than he did this afternoon, wearing black skinnies, a button up, and blazer. Louis' pretty sure he's never seen him this dressed up before, but he definitely likes it.

Harry walks towards him with his arms open. Louis doesn't even both rejecting and immediately settles into Harry's embrace. He feels a kiss to his temple. "D'you need help with anything else? You ready to go?"

"It's all done. We can go." Louis speaks softly into his shoulder. He smells like raspberries and cologne that he hasn't smelled before. Louis feels a number of contradicting emotions at the moment. Happiness and sadness. Excitement and fear. Anger and peace. Love and lust.

They pull away and Louis walks them to his car, bringing the left over pastries and putting them in the backseat. "Does Greek sound okay to you?" Louis asks.

"Yeah, anything's fine." Harry looks anxious.

He drives several blocks away to a Greek place he'd had catered into the spa before. They pull in, park, and walk into the restaurant. It isn't very busy at all- maybe one or two other tables in the whole restaurant.

"Table for two?" The host asks.

"Yes please." Louis responds shortly.

"Right this way sirs." The host leads them to a booth away from the other occupied tables. He takes their drink order then leaves.

Harry is the first to speak. "Do you want the full story? Or are you going to be upset with me either way?"

Louis knows he's asking sincerely and not degradingly, but he's feeling a bit too passive aggressive to let Harry work him into a state of mush, and wants to give him a taste of what he had been feeling all day long.

"Let me guess. Niall is having an identity crisis because he doesn't feel like he has his best friend anymore and he was drunk and illogical and talked you into drinking for 'old times sake', and feeling guilty and not having done it for a while, you gave in, stayed up late, passed out, then didn't wake up until five minutes before stumbling through the door to my spa?" Louis looks expectantly at Harry. Harry looks taken aback.

"I've been with guys like you before. The only difference between you and them is that I let myself get attached to you and did this all in my right mind, and I thought you actually felt the same about me. Which makes me stupider than before because at least I could blame my horrible choice in men on drugs. But I can't now Harry. I can't blame it on anything because I'm too fucking sober for this whole relationship shit with you." The host drops the drinks at the table and leaves quickly, noticing they are in the middle of a conversation. Harry makes no move to speak. Louis pauses until the waiter is a good distance away.

"I used to not care. I had no reason to care about what people did with their lives when I wasn't around. But I care now. I care about you. I care way too much and this is all caring has ever brought me. Disappointment. You disappoint me and remind me why I'm such a disappointment to myself. We're not going anywhere.

"Our lived just crossed paths for a brief moment, then you'll leave to be a journalist around the world and Niall will always be your best friend and I'll be here alone. We were doomed the moment we became more than friends. Everything's ruined now. I ruined it like everything else in my fucking life. It's fucking ridiculous." Louis stops with his rant and takes some drinks of his water, hoping to calm down his emotional state.

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