It's A Jungle Out There

Chapter Twenty One

"I didn't think it was that big a deal . . ."

"That big a deal?!" I exclaim. "Peeta, this is brilliant! It mightn't seem like much now but trust me, it's a stepping stone. You're on the road to recovery and you have no idea how happy it makes me to know you're co-operating with your doctors!"

Peeta plays with the fabric of the bed covers sheepishly but the proud smile on his face is hard to miss.

"Are they starting you off on soup or did you choose it or . . . ?" I ask.

Peeta pulls a face. "They tried a sandwich but . . . when they left I couldn't handle knowing I'd eaten it and I panicked and threw it back up."

I keep the smile on my face, knowing that frowning or looking upset in any way will probably remove any pride he had previously felt. It worries me that he threw up but I know something like this can't have a speedy recovery. Soup is good. Soup is food. He's eaten food. He will hopefully keep eating this when it's given to him.

"Hey, that's fine," I say. "You've still eaten. Focus on that." I feel like a bit of a dork because I'm physically unable to keep the smile off my face. "So are they doing anything else? Is there anything else they can do? Or do you just stay here until you eat yourself to a comfortable weight?"

"Well, I have an in-hospital counsellor," Peeta tells me. "I have to talk to him every two to three days about," he nods to his arms, probably in reference to his self-harming.

"Has your family been to see you?"

"My dad and Rye have done," Peeta explains. "Jamie has been away at College and the visiting hours don't fit well with his classes. Dad says he's going to try and visit over the weekend."

I frown at our joined hands. "What about your mother?"

There's a pause and when I look at Peeta, who's frowning as well. "Dad says that she's minding the bakery but I know he's lying."

"What makes you say that?"

"My mother doesn't like weakness," he explains. "It disgusts her. I don't think she wants to see me. What am I saying? She doesn't want to see me."

I imagine the woman who I heard roaring at Peeta that night in the rain. I suppose it isn't that far-fetched to believe that that woman despises weakness. What made her so strong? What gave her the right to pass judgment on others based on their strength? I touch my forehead, feeling the beginnings of a headache coming on. I wish I could meet this woman so I can smack her across the face.

"I'm sure that's not true," I say. What else am I supposed to say? I don't know Peeta's mother. I believe him when he says that she hates weakness-which makes me despise her-but I can't say that I think she's horrible because he's never expressed animosity towards her himself.

Peeta smiles, like he appreciates my saying this, and gives my hand a squeeze. When he doesn't say anything, however, I try to find something else to talk about. Something that hasn't anything to do with illness or family. I don't want my visits to constantly be about discussing frightful topics. There has to be something I could say to begin a conversation . . .

"Is Annie and Finnick dating?" I blurt out.

Peeta's eyes widen in surprise and he asks, "What makes you ask that?"

"I saw them kissing," I clarify. "But once they saw me Finnick flipped his lid and told me that I didn't see anything. Are they dating in secret or something?" The look in Peeta's eyes confirms my suspicions and my mouth falls open in surprise. "Oh my god. Really? Since when?"

"You really can't tell anyone," Peeta insists. He sounds so deadly serious it takes me by surprise. "Finnick will leave Annie if anyone else finds out. That will kill her."