I was four drinks in and definitely feeling the buzz when Raven grabbed my hand begging me to dance with her. "Please Clarke! You never drink with me, this will be my only chance to get you to dance." I groaned in defeat as she started pulling me towards the dance floor, but it soon turned to a laugh. "Just this once," I giggled. Raven joined in, still pulling on my arm when I suddenly slammed straight into someone. I managed not to topple over, which was quite a feat in my enebreated state. Catching a glance of Raven's shocked face the flirty come back I had ready to tell the stranger in front of me died in my throat. I still hadn't seen the mans face but when he grabbed my upper arms to steady me there was something familiar about his touch. "Clarke?" The stranger said incredulously, "Is that you?" I visibly cringed. I knew that voice. I would know that voice even if I were drowning and they were standing on top of a cliff. It was him. But why was here? How was he here? Raven and I had moved states so this exact scenario could never happen. I still hadn't looked up. Raven gently squeezed my hand as Bellamy slowly shook my shoulders. "Look at me please?" He begged. I took a quick peak up and regretted it immediately. I should have just left, should have told him he had the wrong person, but I had looked and now there was no denying the fast beating of my heart that told me I was happy to see him. Very happy to see him. After what seemed like ages I finally looked him in the eye and spoke. "Hi." I squeezed out.
"Oh my God! It is you!" He stated, pulling me in for a hug. A hug that was definitely not reciprocated. Raven was watching him with a look of disdain with me still grasping her hand tightly, as if it were a life line. She had been there when he picked Lilly over me. She had seen the countless tear filled nights and the weeks where I was a shell of a person. She was the one that finally pulled me out of my funk and brought me back to life and she was not pleased to have him standing there hugging me. "Where's Lilly?" She sneered and had I not been so shocked at the events unfolding, I probably would have laughed at the sound of disgust she made after speaking. Bellamy stepped back upon hearing her speak and had the audacity to look embarrassed. "That's long over." He said.
"I didn't really care." She replied, pulling me to her side. "Anyway, we were just leaving." I nodded, confirming her statement and we started to move towards the desk holding our bags and jackets.
"Wait Princess!" He reached for me and I stiffened.
"Don't ever call me that again! You lost the right to call me that a long time ago" I snapped. Pulling away from him. Raven had already collected our things and was back at my side.
"Beat it Bellamy, before there's an incident. You're not wanted here, can't you tell?" He looked crestfallen.
"Wait, please! Can't I just explain?"
"There's nothing to explain Bell." The nickname just falling from lips out of habit. He visibly relaxed upon hearing it, thinking it meant something more. "Look you picked her and that's that. Theres nothing else we need to talk about."
"Picked her? What do you mean? You left first! And it's not like we were dating!"
"Exactly!" I could feel the tears prick the back of my eyes, damn alcohol. There was no way my tears would fall in front of him. I had cried too many tears over that man. "So there is nothing to talk about." And with that Raven pulled me out the door and hailed a cab.
We'd been sitting in the cab for about five minutes before she finally exploded. "I can't believe him!" She exclaimed. "Why on earth would he think it would be okay to talk to you like that? Ugh! He makes me so mad!" She slouched down in the chair, crossing her arms over her chest. I didn't have the energy to reply to her and she didn't need one anyway, she was just ranting to herself which happened quite a lot. I sat staring out the window watching the lights flash past not feeling much of anything. Fleeting feelings passed but nothing seemed to stick. It was weird, I thought I would be freaking out but I felt oddly calm. He had always had that affect on me and it was starting to annoy me how quickly I had fallen back into old patterns with him. It made me feel like I wasn't in control of myself and that made me angry, but the anger too was fleeting. The calmness he made me feel quickly taking hold again. Raven must have sensed my changing temperament beside her because she sat up straight. "Clarke?" She lightly touched my arm. "Don't let him do this to you, please!" I shrugged in response and the worry in her eyes deepened. I could feel a knot in my stomach getting tighter and tighter. I felt calm and then angry and then calm again, but the whole time I felt like my world had turned the right side up. For so long I had felt like I was off balance, like my world had turned sideways yet I'd stayed straight. And now with one word from him I felt more like myself than I had in a long time and it wasn't right. How dare my body betray what my mind wanted! I don't want to become dependent on him again, I will be worse off than I am now.
The cab pulled up in front of our house and after paying I quickly got out of the car and into the fresh air. Raven rounded the car, grabbing my hand as we walked towards the house, giving it a slight squeeze before she let go to unlock the door. "It's alright Raven, I'm fine now. No snap-watch necessary." I said, bumping her with my hip as I walked past her to get through the open door.
"You sure? You looked pretty mad in the car." I thought about it. I had been mad in the car, but more at myself then him.
"I can't really explain it. I guess I was mad at how easily everything inside me changed just seeing his big, stupid head!" Raven giggled at that but then turned serious.
"What do you mean changed?"
"I don't know." I replied honestly. "I feel more like myself. I feel balanced. Grounded, if you know what I mean?" She shook her head at me looking worried.
"I don't like this Clarke. I don't like this one bit."
"Well here's to hoping we never bump into the asshole again!" I said and Raven laughed at me.
"I'll drink to that!" She said, skipping to the kitchen. Man was I in for it tonight.
I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache, tasting left over cocktail in my mouth. Damn Raven and her homemade cocktails. Those things were lethal. Piece by piece the night slowly came back, dinner with Raven, drinking at the bar, Bellamy... I groaned, hoping my blankets would swallow me whole so I wouldn't have to acknowledge what my body had been trying to tell me since he touched me. It came last night in the form of anger, but that was just my mind trying to ignore the feelings he rose in me. There was no way I could tell Raven any of this. She'd have a fit if she knew just how excited I was to have seen him. To know that he still could recognise me, even with a new hair colour and hairstyle and a six year gap. My body buzzed in the places he'd touched me, no matter how fleeting it had been. I replayed the conversation over and over again in my mind. I had been so rude, but he deserved it. Didn't he? How could he possibly think that I left first? He told me to go. Told me it was too hard to make her happy with me around and we needed some space. So space I'd given him. Yet when I went to try and communicate with him again I was blocked from everything. He'd even changed his number. How was that me leaving? The confusion mixed with my hangover makes me feel ill and my head starts to swim. Just then Raven knocks on the door. "Clarke? You awake?"
"Yeah hun." And she swung the door open, looking meekly at me.
"Hangover cure?" She said and I grinned at her.
"Don't worry I'm not mad at you!" I laughed. "Even if your cocktails do leave a lethal hangover." She laughed and hopped into bed with me, handing me the mug of steaming tea. It was the only thing I could drink with a hangover. God knows how I was supposed to head to class like this and yet I couldn't lose the hopeful feeling deep inside that maybe, just maybe I might bump into Bellamy again.
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When Love and Hate CollideFanfiction
Bellamy and Clarke were best friends growing up but it was never anything more between them. When one of Bellamy's girlfriends pushes them apart, a gap of six years radio silence occurs. Is it to late for them to both admit how they really felt ab...