Vicious Saints [18+]

021: My past, my future, my Hell

Instantly, heat radiated off of him, blaring more than the fire. It's relaxing and comforting with his arms around me in this manner.

Azarov noticed how my body was shivering,
"Angel, you need to relax to allow the heat to warm you up." His tone was soft and filled with sincerity.

Usually I would feel scared at the touch of another man, but never with Azarov. It terrorified me because he had that power.
Shifting until I was in between his legs, he pulled me closer to his heated chest and the warmth from both sides is enough to conceal the ice running through my veins. His hands were wrapped around me, secured on my forearms. The only thing that could be heard is the crackling of the fire and probably my heart beating fast.

My vision attempting to focus on the dancing of marigold and bronze. However, that's a pathetic attempt at ignoring the comfort he provides within his arms, security and trust in a twisted way without words. The fierce howling of the wind compensates for the silence but it brings forth attention to the fact that Azarov isn't invincible. We couldn't attend a simple engagement without an ambush.
One time is enough to where we will barely escape.

"Tell them you followed the pomegranate seeds because they tasted like blood, like love." Azarov quoted.

"How do you know that?" I question, puzzled.

"You have been mumbling it continuously for five minutes."

I didn't even hear it, let alone feel those words escape my tongue. Was I so disorientated that I couldn't comprehend the severity of my anxiety eating away at my brain. We lived in bliss yesterday and right now, reality is sinking in and I feel like I'm drowning.

His lips place a small kiss against my crown as the pad of his thumbs draw circles on my forearms, "You think we are destined for agony. Don't you?"

"I don't think we are destined for damnation. We've been through agony that we don't know what a healthy relationship is supposed to be," the truth is bitter on my tongue.

The crackling of the fire should resemble what's faring between us. I could ruin everything, I wouldn't know what's a healthy relationship. There's a line I never crossed when it came to mixing sex with emotions but that boundary was crossed long-ago when I saw Azarov. He manages to blur the lines and make me feel alive for the first time.

"I disagree." His words startled me, Azarov said them dearly - without hesitation.

"I don't know what has happened to you in the past but I gather it's something traumatic that holds you back from experiencing happiness.
We both have fears going into this and it's
understandable because we don't have perfect examples of what a proper relationship is supposed to me. But isn't that what a relationship is? Both of us growing and learning along the way..." Azarov explains with tenderness.

They hit me straight in the heart. He was displaying all the positives that can come out of our relationship while reassuring that every negative that we face could never be permanent. Maybe we could find our own path towards a healthy relationship, eradicating our fears in the process. In order to get there, he needs to know everything.

"You're right. You don't know my past." I mutter, keeping my eyes focused on the fire dancing, than on his body engulfing
my own.

"You don't have to tell me, angel." Azarov  already has an idea of where this conversation is going.

I don't like voicing out the past because makes me relive it. Those malevolent memories that's nauseating and too heavy to burden for such a young age. It brings torment and twists my stomach to the point that I want to vomit. My tongue bitter and dry, heat boiling at my blood and sweat building at my palms.