Tainted

1

~Poppy~

Utterly useless. The man was an incompetent fool. I didn't need to spend any more time pretending I was going to get along with him. A first date and he turns up at the coffee shop in tracksuit bottoms with a stain on his tee shirt. I mean come on! I'm not asking for a three-piece suit here. The very least you could do is make yourself look a little dressed up. Jeans and a tee shirt and a coat in this god forsaken rain. Tracksuit bottoms. Honestly. Mum's gonna piss herself laughing when I tell her tomorrow after dad leaves.

I still have 40 minutes to waste before I need to start heading home to clean up and help her with dinner. I'd rather not go back early. At all would be great too but I'm not stupid. It's not worth the hassle of dealing with him all pissy. It's not like I'd get very far.

I pushed my earphones a little deeper into my ears, having learnt too early on in life it's better to not be able to hear things than hear things you're not supposed to. I'll drop into the library, slip these two into the returns box and grab another few to take home to keep me busy for a few days. If my heads in a book, no one talks to me. It's probably the only hobby dad tolerates that isn't cooking, cleaning, or pouring him and Cian drinks.

'Men are made to be served. Your husband will expect the same.' A lesson I had learned the hard way. One I don't intend on 'forgetting'. I'll find a way out of all of this eventually but right now, I don't have one and survival is all that matters. Survival first, Mum's survival second, living last.

I backed my way into the library, rooting through my bag for the books before I slipped them into the mini post box on the counter, turning to head along my usual route, slowly skimming over names and authors scrawled down spines in dozens of different fonts and sizes. Books in millions of colours and shapes from different people all using the same 26 letters to create other worlds where people like me can disappear.

I can take a book, become immersed in something non-existent. Take on the characters woes and pride and fall in love with them. I can picture them, live their life alongside them as a fly on the wall. Witnessing chaos and deceit, murder, marriages, births, sleepless nights. I love that about books. That the character is never truly going through their problems alone. There's someone there. Combining the letters from an author's pen and they're there. Crying too. Feeling everything the character does.

Nothing much every really changes in this library. I come in maybe once a week, stroll the same path, up the first aisle and back down to catch the other side. Over and over again until I reach the very end where I circle back around and make a mental note of ones I want to look up before my next visit. Doing this in advance means I can prioritize my list. Research tropes and trigger warnings, read reviews and decide if it's worth sacrificing that time on it.

I grumble, getting pissed off with my hair and having to stop to pull it back from my face, dragging my ribbon from my bag and making a messy ponytail that would have to go when I get home. It was better than having it down though. I pulled the one book I'd chosen and stood back, peering up at the names along the top shelf. I'd have to find the librarian for his steps because there is no chance in hell I'm going to be able to reach up there.

I look both ways. Weird. No one's about. They tend to keep with in eye level of people here, watching their stock whilst also being easily sought out if you need them. I might have caught them at a busy point and the last thing I want to do is inconvenience someone who's already having a shit time.

Chewing on my bottom lip I judged the distance. I could probably just about reach the bottom of it and maybe, just maybe I can push the bottom in so the top pushes out and I can use another book to pull it down. I stood up on the very tips of my toes, steadying myself with one hand on the bookshelf heavy enough to squish me flat if I toppled it over. Which would be a fine way to go out, I must admit. Killed by a bookshelf. Couldn't have had something more me happen really. The tip of my fingers brushed against the spine, shoving it further into the bookcase.

That's one thing I didn't consider. The bookcase being deeper than the length of the book. I sighed, trying to push myself up a little higher. I am not above climbing this damn bookshelf for the book I've been looking at for a solid month. It's huge. At least 4 days' worth of solid reading. Part of a series. It's a whole commitment and I'm so ready for it now. I need to start it. I am not leaving here without that damn book.

I take another step back. Scowl at it like that's going to make it fly off the shelf. Let out a breath and try again. I'm not giving up. I step onto the first shelf, barely off the floor but just the added height my short ass self needs to be able to get my fingertips over the top shelf. Just. Barely. Nope. I'm making it worse.

I almost shit myself as a hand appears in my vision. I jump back, probably letting out a yelp. I don't know. I can't hear a thing. With my heart pounding in my chest, I drag an earphone out of my ear, stopping the music. The man doesn't even strain to grab to top of the book, pulling it out slowly.

He's almost the size of the shelf. I know I'm short. Not far off average height for a woman but this man is a giant. I'm sure of it. Definitely. I don't know the classification for it. I'll look it up later. He's kitted out in a black suit. Pristine. Not a single stain in sight. He turns and I feel the air being sucked out of my lungs.

Ice blue eyes, neatly trimmed stubble and messy hair that's definitely been styled like that. The top 2 buttons of his shirt are undone and I can see the hint of a tattoo peeking into the middle of his chest.

"You can't hear anything with those things in. I spoke a few times." He spoke. Soundwaves burying themselves into my bones. I swallow the increased amount of saliva gathering in my mouth at the sight of what I can only presume is a god sent to earth.

"Sorry." He held the book out to me but I didn't move. I was both in awe and completely terrified of this man. I don't know why. He seemed nice enough. He didn't have to stop me killing myself under 2 thousand pounds of wood and paper. He just has this terrifyingly dark aura. Like the opposite of an angel. Where they have this white back light making them glow, this man has a black hole.

"You wanted this?" I nodded. He pushed it forward and I swallowed again, reaching out a slowly taking it from his hands. "The library is closed today. You need to leave."

"Oh." I look around. Makes sense why it's empty. "Sorry. The door was- if it's closed why are you here?"

"I'm here on business." I nod once. "Got what you need?"

"Um." I look at the 2 books in my hand. Doesn't matter if I have what I need. If they're closed they can't sign them out.

"Just take them. I'll sort it." He reads my mind. Replying to my problem before I can even voice it.

"He needs-" The man stepped forward and that black hole was swallowing all of the oxygen in the room. How he was still breathing I don't know. He still had oxygen. I could see his chest rising and falling slowly.

"What's your name?"

"I'm not giving my name to a stranger in a suit in a closed library that's here on 'business'." I bite down on my tongue. Regret. Instant regret. I half expect the man to flash with anger. To scowl at me, spit out some venomous words for talking back. Maybe push me back into the shelves. I'm sure he has enough power behind those raging muscles that would cause them to collapse on me.

He doesn't though. His lip twitches and he takes a step back, letting the oxygen flood back in and I take a deep breath. Breathe. Good. Easy.

"Smart girl." He lifted the handout of his pocket, checking his expensive watch. "Time to go pip squeak." Fucking pip squeak? Hilarious. "Don't worry about signing the books out. Take them. Keep them."

"Keep them?"

"Yes. That's what I said. Off you go." He turned slightly, nodding his head towards the exit. I took a few shaky steps away from him, speeding up as I got to the end of the aisle. "I hope the next time I run into you you're not trying to kill yourself with a bookshelf pip squeak." Next time. Good lord I hope there isn't a next time.