Finally Absolute (girlxgirl)

Chapter 58

She smells like vanilla.

After all these years, she still smells just like vanilla.

Her lips are still soft and her hands still hold me just as tight as they always have.

I pull away from our kiss and look at her in the dark light of the car. My legs are straddling her waist, my hands on her chest. Her hands sit on my waist, keeping me balanced.

"..you're kissing me," I say to her.

"True."

"..why?"

She just smiles and presses her lips to mine again. Her tongue slides into my mouth and I cup her cheeks in my hands, reveling in her touch, her smell, her taste, her. We haven't kissed since I left for Milan and it was really starting to sink in.

"I love you," I whisper quietly against her lips.

She pulls away and looks at me again, smiling and showing her dimples.

"Say something."

"Stop talking," she says, kissing me again. I continue kissing her lips, her hands rubbing my back, making my skin tingle. I pull away again, trying not to get too distracted by her kiss.

"..why did you invite me out tonight, Alex?" I ask, glancing at her eyes.

She looks at me for a second and then glances out the window. "We haven't been alone without yelling at each other for awhile and I thought we should try and change that."

"B- but you kissed me."

"..yeah, I think that was a spur of the moment kind of thing."

My heartbeat quickens and I try to stand from her lap. She keeps her hands on my waist and keeps me on her legs. "What's wrong?" she asks.

"..you..you just kissed me because I was there, not because you care about me anymore."

She sighs. "You know I still care about you."

"..no, actually I don't. You say you do but.." I sigh too. "We shouldn't have even come tonight. I want you to love me again, but..this isn't right. Not at all."

She says nothing.

"..why are we here, Alex-"

"I just needed to kiss you one more time. Once more and then I could get over you. I can work to get over you. It's not gonna be easy but..this is how I get closure, I know it's fucked up but you know how I am."

I look down at our laps. This is all my fault, she shouldn't have to get over me. We should be here on a date, and then after this, we should go back to the apartment at like two, three a.m., and even though we'd both be tired as hell, we would lay on the bed and kiss, and kissing would lead to sex, and then we'd wake up the next day in each other's arms and she'd make me breakfast and we'd play a fun game and watch tv and it would be the best day ever.

"..I know this isn't easy for you. I know I fucked up, but I need you to know that I need this. This isn't just kissing to me, this wasn't just a concert for me. This was, and still is a chance for me. A chance for us to be us again, and if it's not for you, then you should just drive me home now. I need you to love me again, not to just kiss me to try and get over me. I..I just wanna try again amd start over and be with you."

She says nothing, just looks down at our laps.

"..let's try again, baby," I say, pressing our foreheads against eachother's. She gently presses her lips against mine, my hands cupping her cheeks and deepening the kiss. She bites on my bottom lip, sliding her tongue into my mouth, and then pulling away and kissing down my neck. Her kisses trail above my boobs and her fingernails lightly rake the skin of my back, making the most amazing feeling. "Fuck," I breathe. She kisses back up my neck and looks me in the eyes, kissing my lips again.