Part 66- HURTS LIKE HELL (her POV)

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PART 66- Girl's view

Eyedea's POV

Nahihirapan na ko :( hindi ko pa siya pinapapakawalan, nasasaktan na ko. sumusuko na ko... nalulungkot na ko..

nakukulangan na ko sa sarili ko ...

bakit kelangan na lang mangyare toh?!

Minsan , para hindi masyadong masaktan ang mahal mo... kelangan masaktan ang sarili mo... hindi ko alam... ayaw ko lang na masaktan si LV... though, alam ko masasaktan siya kasi... kahit sa sarili ko... alam kong AKO ANG MAhAL NI IRVIN.... AKO LANG.... kasi nung kasama ko siya kanina... wala kong magawa para mabura ang ngiti niya... yung parang super contented na siya sa nangyayare..

yung parang katulad ng na feel ko dati..

nung nakita ko siyang masaya, hindi ko magawang saktan siya... kasi... nakakatakot makitang mawala yung ngiti na yun..

kakaalis lang niya...

and it hurts seeing him leave with that INCOMPARABLE smile... :((

hindi ko gusto.... pero ONCE AGAIN for the sake of others not just LV but also LEVI....

IRVIN.... i need to let you go.. i need to detach myself from you...

cause having no relationship with him.... will be better :(

WE ARE BETTER OFF THIS WAY...

the stranger way...

:( this hurtful way...

pag nagmahal... kahit iwasan mong makasakit... HINDI PWEDE.. dalawa man kaming masaktan.. pinipili ko yun para sa kaibigan ko..

:(( sakit.

this is the time i will call him...

yea.. break up through phone.. cause in person.. i cant take seeing him cry...

he answered on the first ring.. he loves me this much.. he spent one whole day with me but still he's excited to hear my voice..

(hello??? oh babe? may problemaa??)

"*sniff* let's stop this.." i cant stop myself from crying.. i swear... masakit...

(stop what?? miss na kita..) :(( ansarap sabihing miss ko na din siya,,, MISs Ko na AGAD SIYA!! T_T

"I know this is all of a sudden.. but... Irvin..." i'm trying to keep my voice relax..  

the most OUCH phrase that I will say...

"what?" he sounded nervous...

"let's break everything UP.." tuloy tuloy na yung luha ko. :( tapos na nasabi ko na.. Hoooo... may iba pa bang word sa masakit? baka nagsasawa na kayo... pero MASAKIT....

(what are you saying?! EYEDEA!! what's this?! tell me you are joking!!! )

"i'm not.. irvin.. break na tayo *sniff*" hindi ko na natago yung iyak ko...may noise na siya... ansakit sa dibdib.. hindi ako makahinga.. :(

(NO!!! Hindi!!! Peste. Dea! Ano toh?!) sorry irvin...

"I just don't want any commitment to anyone.." what a lie. :( kung meron man akong gustong pag commitan ang sarili ko.. sa kanya lang yun.. kay irvin lang.. :((

(What a lame excuse!!! You can't do this to me...) there i hear him sob...

"I actually can...*sniff* " NO! I CAN'T!

and the most ..... heart breaking words from him........

"eyedea..... i may die... "

binaba ko na yung phone...

:(( sorry Irvin... i know sorry wasn't enough.. BUT... LOVE isn't ENOUGH TOO..

maybe our relationship is your ideal relationship... cause it seems perfect... believe me it isn't...

kasi hindi ko kayang maging masaya ng may nasasaktang iba...

I went outside my veranda... dito kami nag stay kagabi.. who knows thats the last night?

Then I reminsce each moments... the way he held my hand.. the way na alalayan niya ko kasi hirap ako maglakad... the moment he cooked breakfast for me... simply the way HE LOVES ME :(

I'm holding up my tears... pero lalo lang akong naiyak nung nakita ko yung nandun sa canvas cloth...

IT WASN'T THE PAINTiNG THAT WE'VE PAINTED LAST NIGHT...

it was something new...

cause in that painting... I SAW MYSELF sleeping peacefully... but the caption broke my heart...

cause as i've read it...

'the girl I want to spend my forever with..'

Sorry Irvin. But I think. that ain't gonna be forever...

i was dumbfounded to see irvin in the front gate.. thats why, nagmamadali akong pumasok ng kwarto...

LOUD NOISE...

Sobra siyang nasasaktan... :((

"EYEDEA! LUMABAS KA!!!! BAKIT MO BA TO GINAGAWA SAKIN EYEDEAA!!!!!!!!! MAHAL NA MAHAL KITAAAA!!!!! BAKIT GANYAN KA :( PAGKATAPOS MONG GAWIN AKONG MASAYA..... BIGLANG GANTO... EYEDEAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LUMABAS KAA!!! KELANGAN KITA! :( "

pinigilan ko yung sarili kong lumabas... :((

gustuhin ko mang yakapin siya ngayon... hindi pwede....

siguro by this time... galit na galit na siya sakin :((( but I heard thoughts in my mind...

"nakikinig mo ba yan? hinding hindi ko magagawang magalit sayo habang natibok yan... kahit gaano pa kasakit ang gawin mo... hinding hindi ko kakayaning magalit sayo.. tandaan mo yan ah... wag ka na mag alala,, mahal na mahal kita.,."

T__T IRVIN JACE FORTALEJO :(

sumilip ako sa bintana...

he's crying really hard.. :((

and sad to say...

THE REASON IS Me :(

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