STUNNED✓

Chapter THIRTEEN

Nagsimulang umandar ang bus at hindi ko maiwasang titigan ang pigura ni Noah sa aking harapan. He was so silent, kahit pa daldal nang daldal ang katabi niyang si Nikko. Kung minsan ay tumatango naman ito ngunit agad ding ibabalik ang paningin sa labas ng bintana.

I know the majority of people hate me. They despised me as Olivia Dark or Liv Miller, but I didn't really care—I just let their hatred grow. I was too preoccupied with my own thoughts to realize how many heartaches I had caused other people. Even if it's not entirely my responsibility, I know that I'm accountable for the worry I've given them. Noah is my cause.

Who am I kidding, though? This regret is not and never will be forgiven. Iniisip kasi nila, bato ako, walang pakialam, at makasarili. If I tell people that I enjoy having company but find it difficult to express my interest in being alone, that I enjoy hearing people laugh and tell hilarious stories, to vent and weep over heartbreaks, and to be called a friend, that sometimes I enjoy physical touch and clamsiness, while other times I detest it, no one would believe me. Yes, I know I'm pretty erratic, but is it possible for someone to predict me?

This is how my childhood shaped me. The traumatic experiences and nightmares I've encountered over the past few years have drained my emotional capacity. Along with losing my family, I also lose the opportunity to meet and welcome new people.

I will always remember the moment when people began screaming my name. They treated me like I was a murderer, a psychopath, and a criminal. I was known as "The Wild Cub" by everyone: young and seemed innocent, but there was a devil lurking deep inside. They had no idea that I was only a young child looking for assistance. Though they designated me as a monster, I am a victim. And despite my innocence, I was found guilty. 

I expressed my gratitude to the person who helped me escape the situation. All I can recall is that a man appeared out of nowhere and stood up for me. He saved me and took me to an orphanage when the country was startled at my sudden assistance.

The orphanage is a place where living didn't make me think any differently. It was not the same as what I had seen in a few films. Playtime and enjoyment are missing. Every child is restricted to their perfective chambers and is only permitted to leave for meals. It seemed to be a prison reserved for kids like myself, whom they called psychopaths.

For around ten years, the same meal—bread and pourage—is served at a brown, rectangular wooden table. I suffer every day, which is how I came to develop my anger against the outside world. 
Realizing that life without family or friends is like staying inside an aluminum jar, noisy yet lonely. Since then, I believe nothing is worthy. I hate the thought of joy and excitement for anything that seems typical for a girl my age. And if only I could control my breathing, I would command it to cease.

That may be the hidden reason behind my fear of confronting Noah and working through the issues that have knotted the nature of our relationship. I feel as though my emotionally distant and stiff self had suddenly become vulnerable. The idea that he would despise me for who I am before hurts my feelings since he made me feel so secure and at ease.

“Liv nandito na tayo,” panggigising sa akin nang katabi kong si Hunter.

“I didn’t mean to wake you up, pero kanina pa nakahinto itong bus,” sambit nito kaya agad naman akong napaayos ng upo.

“Nakatulog ako?” gulat na tanong ko sa sarili nang mapagtantong galing ako sa pag-idlip habang nakl asandal sa kaniyang balikat.

“Yup! Ang himbing nga e, kung hindi lang nandito na tayo hindi na muna kita gigisingin.” Kukurap-kurap akong tumingin sa kaniya.

Mahimbing? Hindi, kailan man ay hindi ako nakakaranas ng mahimbing na tulog. Swerte nang magising ako mula sa masamang panaginip nang hindi na kailangang saktan ang sarili para kumalma.