Voodoo [H.S.]

Twenty

I can be her support and just hope that's enough.

"I'll go get you some blankets for the couch. Are you okay, Harry?"

Am I okay? Is she seriously asking if I'm okay? After what I just witnessed and she's worried about how I'm feeling?

"Don't do that. Let me take care of you," I tell her softly, standing up and walking out of the bathroom. I've been to her place enough times to know where to find most things, although I know there's not a whole lot I can do at the moment. So as I walk out of the bathroom I take her hand in mine, brushing off the ridiculous anxious thoughts I have about it.

I half pull her behind me and when I glance behind me she's giving me a weird look, but there's a smile on her face and I feel good that I achieved something so small for her tonight. I lead her to her bed and she sits down, getting under the covers and watching me thoughtfully as I walk back to the kitchen to get her some water.

When I get back to her she takes the water and gives me a grateful look, taking a few large gulps of the water. I go around to the other side of her queen sized bed and hesitate for a second.

"Is this okay? If I, uh, sleep here?" I scratch the back of my neck and look away from her eyes, feeling a blush creep up on my face. This is so embarrassing.

God, I'm such a stupid fucking idiot why do I have to be so god damn awkward this so fucking dumb why am I so—

"Of course you can," she pats the side of the bed and opens the covers for me to slide in. "But on one condition."

"Oh god," I roll my eyes playfully in response.

"You have to turn the light off. It's the first switch by the dresser."

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding in relief and walk the three steps to the light, stumbling back to the bed in the darkness. I carefully get under the covers and turn to face Cassie, who's already laying on her side facing me. We stay like that for a few minutes, just looking at each other.

Her hair falls in wisps around her face and I resist the urge to tuck them back behind her ear. I can see dark roots coming through the top of her head, and even through the darkness of the room her hair doesn't look quite as pink as it did when we first met, and I wonder if she's going to keep it pink or dye it something else like blue or purple. I wonder if she'd let me help her, or sit with her while she did it.

With Cassie I constantly have thoughts of doing mundane things with her. I want to take her out on another date, one that doesn't end in disaster but then ends in us feeling fireworks between us, one that feels so electric we can't help but feel this is what we've been waiting for our entire lives. I want to dance with her in my kitchen with nothing but the refrigerator light to guide us. I want to go on walks with her while she points out every blade of grass because she's still a native to the desert so every shade of green continues to amaze her.

I want to go grocery shopping with her. I want to fold laundry with her. I want to come home from a long day at work and just fall into her arms and let her stroke her fingers through my hair and tell me it's all going to be okay.

I want to kiss her. So badly.

My anxiety gets the best of me every time. After all the abuse I endured, I can't stomach the thought of being intimate with someone like that again. It's getting better, but I know the only way I'll really improve is if I step out of my comfort zone and allow someone to get that close to me.

Even now, I can tell that Cassie needs the comfort. I think her love language is physical touch. Of fucking course, I would pursue someone who likes to touch and be touched all the time. I haven't had a stupid crush on someone in so long and that's the kind of person my consciousness decides to fixate on. Go figure.