I should be your Beta, not your Mate

51 - Calm before the storm

»Something else.«

»Must I pull everything out of your nose or will you tell me?«

»I don't know if you need to,« I answered dryly.

»Okay, enough. We still have half an hour until the lesson starts. Get up. Now!«

With a tense expression he dragged me on my legs and then through the building, through the hallways, the stairs up until we arrived at the music room.

»So, and now tell me. Seeing my best friend in that miserable state is fucking shitty. I already feel like shit because I wasn't there for you for the last few years and I don't want to repeat my mistake. Open your mouth and use that, whatever higher being gifted you with. Your voice!« he spat, snorted and leaned against one wall with crossed arms.

Sighing I wiped my face and my body dropped on one of the bass boxes.

»Do you really look that miserable?«

»Miserable is understated,« he answered coldly and didn't twist his expression at all.

I hated and loved him for his strictness. Hated it because he didn't give in. And loved it because he just didn't give in and took weight from my easy hurt soul every single time.

»What was it about?« he asked after a few minutes in which I didn't start talking – this time, softer.

»I can't have children.«

Confused, he furrowed his forehead before he opened his mouth and closed it again. Obviously he didn't know where to begin.

»But...« If it was possible, he frowned even more. »You are a man. It's obvious that you can't have children.«

»And that is the problem. I'm a man, a completely normal man. No Omega who can bear children even as a man. Just a fucking normal man,« I said desperate and dug my hands into my hair.

»I don't understand what that has to do with your fight,« he said, still confused.

»Ethan,« I said quietly – broken and exhausted.

»Ethan, I'm the Luna and a normal man. I can't have children on my own and with that, I can't give birth to the next Alpha. He doesn't understand that the next Alpha must be born, if not the future of this pack is doomed. Without an Alpha, it's no pack. Every time we have this discussion, he swears to me that he will never betray me to birth the next Alpha. And as much as it may touch my heart, because I fucking fell in love with him, I can't just accept it like that. It is his and my responsibility to birth the next heir. And because I can't bear his children, he needs to get someone artificial pregnant because I won't let him sleep with someone else. But when the child runs around the house we will live in and calls him Papa, then... I would only be the person that lives with their father but not their mother or whatever I would be, if I could have children on my own. Maybe the child saw me as their parent figure, however I could never accept it as my own, if I knew it was his and of someone else. My instincts won't allow me...«

Deeply, Ethan took a breath before he puffed it out with a hissing sound. »There is more, right?«

Almost a mad laugh shook my body and I ran my fingers through my hair again.

»The fight escalated and then we screamed at each other. He said I would, if I could have children, prostitute myself for the well being of the pack. I wouldn't sleep with him because I loved him. Those were his words... And then I threw at his head that he doesn't love me too and I thought about an heir and the pack at least. I said that he hated me anyway, which is only the truth. We may be a couple and may kiss, but only because the mate-bond makes us do it. And shit, I regret those words so much because I know how dreadfully desperate he is about this... But I screamed at him that he liked hurting his pack and that with a smirk on his face. After that we went separate ways and then some other things happened that may also be a reason for me looking exhausted, but aren't important to the fight. However, after the unimportant event, he asked me if we could talk and I just told him, what is the full truth, that I couldn't stand him being close to me and that he should leave me alone for now. We sat separate on the plane because I swapped seats with someone.«