Promised to a Petrov

Chapter 26

KATIYA'S POV:

The day came faster than I anticipated and to top it off I don't know where I stand with him.

This was supposed to be  clean cut arranged marriage, we were supposed to sleep in different beds and only talk when it involved me but I was apart of everything. I put together the wedding, I had dinner with him and his family, he cooks me breakfast every morning. Then he does the one thing I'd never expect, he takes care of me, he tires to help me.

I don't know what to do, I don't know how to make sense of how I feel, I don't know how I feel, and I have no clue where I stand with him or if any of it even means anything.

Right now, in this moment, reality is truly sinking in. I always doubted that I'd find my Prince Charming but fuck that does make it any easier. The one thing I do know though, is that I don't care if I have a Prince Charming or not, I just want something real. Nothing perfect, perfect is unrealistic and quite frankly true relationships bloom out of struggle, obstacles are what proves another persons love.

I want what my grandparents have.

This is so god damn stupid, it's the twenty first century and I'm marrying a man because I still feel this obsessive need to protect someone who don't care about my personal life or feelings, because I'm scared of my father.

I could get rid of all my problems is I just let myself take them out of the picture, if I just killed them, because I could, kill them and no one would know. I'd be able to get away then, but no, I'm listening to some stupid trepidation who tells me violence doesn't solve anything, inner peace does. Fuck inner peace.

I have a man at my disposal prepared to protect me and I choose to get beaten and groped in the dark. It's all a mellowed out versions of what I ran from.

I'm going to blame Isiah's kindness, his attempts defend my honor, whatever you want to call it, being the reason I'm not as against this marriage. It's come to the point where I can't deny there isn't something in me, somewhat happy. I'm just not sure if it's because he's sweet to me or if it's because I don't know if I'd find better out in the world.

Yet how can someone feel good marrying someone that doesn't truly want to marry them.

This was no damn love match, this wasn't a relationship to start with, this was a set up with only the intention of uniting family's to keep peace and make money. Stupid money, I hate the fucking economy and people, if we killed the rich and let their money trickle down poverty would lessen.

The chatter in the room suddenly came back to me, my hair was just curled and pinned into its elegant bun, my makeup was set and it's my bridesmaids turn to get ready as I sat in my robe staring at my wedding dress. Attempting to calm my heartbeats and clear my mind before I have to walk down an aisle, stare at this man like I'm in love and vow to love him forever and ever. When, and once again I state, I marry someone who doesn't want to be married to me for me.

But the longer I stare at it, the more I felt pathetic.

I'm up and out of my chair before anyone can process, before I can even realize, running out of the door with their calls behind me.

"Katiya!" I heard Scarlett distinctly, as if she knew just by my pace what was running through my head, the panic, the emotion.

That's what I want, I want a man that can read me like my best friend can.

I keep moving down the hall of the cathedral though, going to the room down the hall and banging my fist on it. The rooms muffled conversation completely dying as I hammer my fist into the wood.