Love vs. Lust

Chapter 43

I found his room without any difficulty but had to stop and catch my breath before entering. My whole body was literally shaking and I had to concentrate on my breathing to stop myself from hyperventilating.  I waited a few seconds and then pushed open the door.

The sight of him lying there hooked up to all sorts of machines shocked me. I saw him like this before and I hated it but now that I could remember it was a million times worse. I stopped in my tracks and just stood there staring at him for what must have been at least five minutes.

All the memories of the times we spent together kept on running through my mind, reminding me how much I really love him.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered as I slowly walked towards him and sat down on the bed next to him. He looked much thinner and paler then I remembered.

“I’m so sorry I forgot you,” I said, a little louder this time, taking one of his hands in mine. Touching him sent me over the edge. My sobbing turned into a full blown breakdown.

“Why did you do it?” I yelled at him as I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him.

“Why did you leave me all alone? I don’t want to live without you!” I sobbed as I held him.

“What’s going on in here?” I heard a female voice ask. I looked up at the nurse and watched as the look of anger and irritation on her face changed to one of sympathy.

“I’ll just close the door and leave you two alone,” she said, and then quickly made her way out of the room.

I didn’t say anything to her, I didn’t have the strength. Once she was gone I looked back at Gordon.

“I don’t know what to do, Cole has been really great and I care about him but now that I remember I’m not sure if I can be with him. I mean his a good guy and all but I want to be with you. Can’t you just wake up? Please…,” I begged, hugging him tightly against me again. I moved so that I was lying on the bed with him and gently laid down next to him.

I woke up to somebody shaking me and as soon as I did my mind was flooded with memories again. I tried to push them aside as I looked up and saw a man standing over me. I sat up and recognized him as the doctor I had spoken to before.

“Are you ok?” he asked, looking concerned.

“No,” I answered honestly.

“Would you like to talk about it?” he asked.

“What is there to talk about, the guy I love is lying here, hooked up to machines and according to you he is as good as dead,” I stated, remembering the doctors words.

“Maybe you should go home, is there somebody I can call to come and get you?” he asked.

“I’ll call a cab,” I said, looking away from him and turning my attention back to Gordon. I waited until I heard the doctor leave before I leaned forward and gently pressed my lips against his.

“I love you,” I whispered before getting up from his bed and leaving his room. I didn’t want to leave him there but I knew that the doctor was right. I had to go home and figure things out.

I made my way to the bathroom and quickly washed my face. I looked in the mirror at myself. I looked just like I felt, confused and heartbroken. My eyes were read and puffy and my hair was a mess but I couldn’t care. I took a few deep breaths, trying to pull myself together and then made my way out of the hospital.

Once I was in the parking lot I phoned for a cab. It took a bit longer for them to arrive this time but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered at the moment. The only thing I could think about was Gordon and the fact that he was lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to millions of machines.

When the cab arrived I got in and gave him directions to get to my house. I wasn’t particularly looking forward to seeing Cole or Conner but I knew that they were probably worried sick about me. I had no idea what I was going to say to them or how I was going to act around Conner now that I could remember everything. I mean I really do love him but things has changed drastically now.

It felt like it took forever to get home. I was tired and just wanted to crawl into bed so I got out, handed the guy his money and made my way up to the front door. I was busy taking out my house keys when the door flew open and Cole pulled me into his arms.

“I was so worried about you,” he whispered, his voice thick with concern. I hesitated for a second but then wrapped my arms around him and hugged him back. I could feel him relax as I did this and I have to admit that I felt a bit better now that I was with him, far from perfect but better nonetheless.

“Gabby?” I heard Conner ask from behind Cole so I pulled out of his arms and stepped inside.

“How are you doing?” Conner asked, worriedly.

“Not to good,” I answered honestly.

“Is there something I can do?” Cole asked, taking my hand in his.

“No, I just want to go to bed, I’m tired,” I stated.

“That’s a good idea,” Conner said, nodding his head in agreement.

Cole walked with me to my room but stopped before we entered.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” he asked, hesitantly.

“Yeah,” I agreed, pulling him into my room. I wasn’t sure how I felt about anything but I didn’t want to be alone.

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