A Melody We Were Never Supposed To Hear

My Alcoholic Friends

"You go ahead down," Fukuzawa said to the young doctor, "I'll take this one."

Yosano was ready to argue, but then she remembered just how well that had gone over the day before and chose not to.

Fukuzawa put a had on his employee's shoulder and leaned down a little so that they were eye to eye, the action seeming more like a father talking to their daughter than an employer talking to their employee. "It's okay to share your burdens sometimes," the man told the doctor kindly. 

"I... okay."

Fukuzawa walked back up the stairs, trusting the doctor to look out for the detective down stairs and keep him from getting lost in the city as they walked to where the three were planning on having lunch that day. When he got back to the top, he was just in time for the first few words.

"I'm counting back
The number of the steps
It took for me to get
Back on the wagon of the weekend
I'll use the auto-timer to prove that I'll
Get home with my imagination"

The words wagon of the weekend sent a small shock of concern through the President's body. The term 'back on the wagon' was often used when talking about alcoholics trying to quite and go sober. Fukuzawa had never seen the detective drink before but given the fact that he was already twenty-two, he knew that the younger man probably had. He just hadn't expected that he'd drunk enough for it to become a problem. Though he could see the possibility of it since Dazai had once been in the Port Mafia, a criminal organization that didn't really care about the legal drinking age. It was entirely possible that the detective had been drinking since he joined, though Fukuzawa wasn't sure just how young the detective had been at the time.

"If they find the body in the basement
"In the very house that she was raised in""

Fukuzawa felt his eyes go wide at the words from the detective before he remembered the way that Dazai had acted towards Mori during the meeting with the Port Mafia to discuss working together against the Guild. Back then, Dazai had treated the boss of the Port Mafia with an attitude that only someone close to the boss and high ranking enough could get away with. That and Mori himself had asked Dazai to come back to the mafia, saying that the offer was there like an open invitation that he could take any time that he wanted to. Dazai had turned the offer down, rather explicitly, but if he had been that high ranking enough then there was sure to still be some bodies that the police have yet to find.

"I'm taking down
The number of the Times
So when we get the sign
From God I'll be the first to call them
I'm taking back the number of the beast
'Cause six is not a pretty number
Eight or three are definitely better"

Listening to the words, Fukuzawa knew that whoever Eight and Three were, they were most likely the people that Ranpo had been talking about the day before. People that Dazai firmly believed were better than him in every way that seemed to matter. The words reinforced what Atsushi had said that the first song was about, how Dazai was trying to change into someone better but didn't seem to believe that he truly could.

"A is for the name on the letter
To my alcoholic friends"

'A, the first letter of someone's name,' Fukuzawa realized. He wondered for a moment if it was supposed to be Atsushi, but then the words that followed dissuaded that theory and confirmed the idea that Dazai is a, more or less, recovering alcoholic. 

'A...' Fukuzawa thought about all of the people that Dazai had come in contact with lately that had a name that started with the letter A that he might not be on the best of terms with. '...Ango, the government agent." He realized, coming to the conclusion that Ranpo had reached the day before. The President had always wondered how Dazai had been able to contact the man that he shouldn't have had any reason to know. Now he had an idea as to why, but would have to ask Ranpo to confirm.

"I was trying hard
Not to be ashamed
Not to know the name
Of who was waking up beside me
Or the date, the season or the city
But at least the ceiling's very pretty
And if you are holding it against me"

During the two years between the Agency and the Port Mafia, Dazai had done whatever it took to keep himself from doing something that would break the promise that he had made to Odasaku, to stay alive so that he could keep it. He went to bars and hooked up with whoever talked to him first on the nights that being left alone meant that the would've probably ended the night with a bullet in his temple and drunk himself to sleep on the ones when he was okay to be left alone. He never knew what day it was and could barley even tell what country or city he was in half of the time, only knowing that he couldn't stay in one place for too long. By the time that he had come to the Agency, his people skills had been almost nonexistent and his own name had felt foreign on his tongue.  

"I'll be on my best behavior
Taking shots for mother nature
Once my fist is in the cupboard
Love is never falling over
(Hey)

"Should I choose a noble occupation?
If I did I'd only show up late and sick
And they would stare at me with hatred
Plus my only natural talent's wasted on my alcoholic friends
My alcoholic friends
The party never ends
My alcoholic friends"

Fukuzawa wondered if those were the thoughts that had gone through the detective's head when he chose to leave the Port Mafia, if those were the doubts that still hung on him. That he would never be good enough for something that he has deemed as a 'noble occupation' like the Agency. He knew that the following statement was true, the detective had a tendency to show up much later than he should for work and a lot of the days the President now guessed he had come hung over. But even though Kunikida had a tendency to yell at the other detective, no one at the Agency ever stared at the man with hatred. But all of those insecurities would make sense if they were the thoughts that had gone through the former mafioso's head when he'd thought about leaving. 

Listening to the man's words, Fukuzawa could only guess that some kind of mental crash was coming soon, much too soon for any of their likings, if it hadn't started already. He thought that they should bring Atsushi back into this, bring the boy up to speed on what was going on with his mentor so that he would be ready to help with the fall out. The President knew that if anyone was going to be able to get through to the detective, it would be his student. Dazai cherished the boy in a way that the President hadn't known that the detective had been capable of feeling. If anyone was going to be able to save the detective, it was the boy that he had saved. 

That was the assumption anyways. 

A/N: Sorry if this didn't live up to the idea that those who suggested this song had when they did. But I really did try.

Please leave any song suggestions here.