Chapter-14

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Blue POV's

"What ? Why ? Alex.... I know this isn't about us, okay.... Something is going on. And you are not telling me. It concerns me and I need to know that. And this marriage...." I stop. I can't find the words.

"How did you...." he stutters.

"I know you enough, Alex..."

"Baby....."

"No, Alex. Do you have a ring on you ?"

"No... but I...."

"Exactly. You are proposing just because of... whatever reason it is.... not because you genuinely feel that you could spend the rest of your life with me... how many times have you thought about our future ?"

"Babe...."

"See... I am or was a simple bartender living a shit life. You came in and created havoc in it. A good havoc. And then I fell in love. I never thought someone like you would fall in love with me. Or anyone would fall in love with me.

You gave me hope. And you have kept me in the dark since the day we arrived in Paris. Everything was going okay till you just proposed to me. I am pretty sure it's about my security if you are acting so impulsively.

Everything was going fine. And it should've gone that way. You don't even mean it. You just want to marry me because you are afraid to loose me. But I am not ready for it. Okay ? I don't wanna be happy one moment and marry you and then one day when the threat dies off, you start thinking of me as a burden or a responsiblity.

I honestly fail to understand what you saw in me in the first place. I am nothing. I am suicidal. I cut myself. But you gave me strength and I am not ready to loose it over a petty threat. I love you, Alex. I really do.

But at the end of the day, bottom line, I am a girl. And marriage for me is like marriage for any other common girl. Real. Happy. Huge. Teary. Love. We have it all, except the 'Real' part."

With that I get up from the bed and head into the bathroom. Without risking a glance at him. I just rejected him. I feel like shit. But it was true and he needed honesty.

I look up at myself in the mirror and after all this I see the girl is haven't seen in a while looking at me. The Blue I was before she met Alex. I break into hysterical sobs. My knees give out beneath me and I crutch down and sit on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out.

Just when I thought I deserved happiness. But it's true. I don't deserve happiness. I don't deserve love. I don't deserve Alex. I don't deserve to be here. I have to leave. Alex is stuck because of me. I don't wanna marry him and have him resent me for the rest of his life. He is very handsome and he will meet someone prettier than me and I would be the one holding him back.

I have to leave.

I step out after several minutes to find it empty. Good. I don't think I am ready to face him. I walk in the closet and find a duffel bag. I put in some hooded clothes and nothing too expensive just somethings I think I am gonna need. I find some money from a drawer.

I put it inside and I change my clothes. I am now wearing black jeans and a black jacket. I quickly step out and look around the hallway. One good thing about this house is that there is no security since its a family home the members think of it as invasion of privacy. I go to leave but the guilt hits me.

I can't leave without a note. He deserves that much. I find a notepad and a pen. I sit down to write it.

Dear Alex,

By the time you get this note I will be gone far away. Hopefully. I thought about your proposal. I love you and I will always love you. But you are stuck with me. I am nothing special and you deserve love and not someone who has self-esteem issues. For the record, if the circumstances were different, I would've said yes.

Despite my all flaws you loved me. But Alex, I don't deserve happiness. You do. I don't deserve love. You do. I don't deserve you. You deserve someone not broken and damaged as me. Someone who makes you happy. You and me... it's not meant to be. Maybe our fates hate me.

Please let me be and don't come looking. I dont want to create more trouble than I already have. I am sorry. And I love you.

Yours,
Blue.

A tear drop slides down my cheek and onto the paper below my name.

"Did you really think I was gonna let you go that easy ?" A voice booms in my ear. And it sounds angry. Alex, has seen me. Now there's no way he would let me go.

He roughly grabs me by my forearm and pulls me out of the chair and into his chest. The chair falls onto the ground with a huge noise.

I look up at him with tears sliding down my cheeks non-stop. I sniff.

"Did you really think I was gonna let fate decide OUR fate ?" He spits the word 'fate'.

"No. I do. We do. We decide if we want to give up on someone or not. And I don't give up on you. You are mine. Do you get that ? Just because I don't have men around doesn't mean I dont have cameras. I knew the moment you got that duffel bag what you were gonna do. But I waited. Maybe. Just maybe you would change your mind. But you didn't.

You are mine, Blue. Mine to keep, remember ? And you promised not to leave."

"I don't.... d....deserve You.... you are... amazing.... and handsome.... and I.... I am broken. I hold you back. I..... I am damaged goods.... Alex.... no one wa....wants damaged go....goods." I reply with my eyes low.

"For God's sake, Blue. I love you. And you make me happy. And you make me feel alive. You are the breath of fresh air I need. You are everything to me and yet you fail to see it. You really thought that stopping me from coming to get you in the letter would really stop me ? I will tie you to my bed if I have to. To keep you here. I will do everything to drill it into your head that leaving isn't a choice. And I love you. And only you.

As long as the proposal is concerned, you are right. I love you. Maybe the reasons for marriage are wrong. But that doesn't mean we can't get married. You want a proper proposal ? A ring ? A big wedding ? You get it. But we are getting married even if I have to drug you to get married. Do you understand ?"

I gulp and look up at his lust and anger driven eyes. I nod slowly and he tightens his grip on my forearms.





EDITED.

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