Love Like The Galaxy (Fanfiction)

V. Death of a mother

It's been a few days since Empress Xuan passed away. The palace is in mourning of her death. All her children and the children of the new empress were now preparing offerings to honor her.

Huo Buyi and Cheng Shao Shang were asked to prepare them as well. They may not have been her biological children, but in the heart of the late empress, they were hers. Both of them felt like they had lost their mother. Hence, they had accepted to work together.

Both dressed in white, sitting at an offering table. Shao Shang was preparing sugar made from sugar cane with the help of Zisheng. Empress Xuan loved sugar, and Shao Shang felt that she would love to have some in the afterlife with her. They worked in comfortable silence together for a while. For a little moment, what happened in the carriage was long forgotten. It didn't seem like it mattered now that the empress was dead.

Zisheng remembered how the empress had expressed her wish that he was her true son. That he reconciled with Shao Shang and was happy with her. He knew in his heart that it was impossible, but when he heard the empress on her dying bed wishing for it, he did too.

"I recall, once I did sugar here for the empress. When his Majesty found out, he rewarded you. At that time, I felt it was unfair. I told the empress that since I had become your fiancée, that's all people see in me. The empress told me that I was too solitary and that I thought only of myself. She told me that I had to open myself to others. I hated you for abandoning me and going your own way. I hated that you preferred to jump that cliff and then leave me. I hated myself for giving you my heart. After five years, I try to put those feelings away. I can't give you my heart or my trust ever again." Shao Shang said, looking forward, never looking at Zisheng, afraid that her heart would waver and forgive him because of her grief.

Every word that she said hurt Zisheng deeply. He knew she was right, and he had no right to feel that way, but it hurt.

"Shao Shang...I'm sorry. No matter what you choose to do, I will respect you. All the years I passed in the northwest region, there was not one day that I didn't regret what I did to you. I understand you. I knew that you deeply feared being abandoned. But I still chose to do it, knowing it would cause you the most pain. The first 20 years of my life, I lived in hatred. But for the rest of my life, I will live with remorse. If you let me, I will dig out my heart and give it to you. But I know... I don't have the right anymore." Zisheng said to her, sobbing in silence. He doesn't feel like he has the right to openly sob in front of her. He causes her too much pain. His pain is nothing compared to hers.

Shao Shang can't stay next to him. She can't trust herself when he is openly in pain next to her. She feels her resolve slip away. She doesn't want to cry in front of him. She won't allow him to see how painful it is for her. She stands up and leaves the room. She walks slowly in the corridor of the palace to get to a door and watch the stars outside. She feels Zisheng come next to her to gaze at the star.

"I once said to the empress, if the husband is the sun that shines brightly everywhere, then we as women can be the stars. Only with co-existence can the world be attained." she said to him. She pauses for a moment and adds, " I will live a good life. After I deliver the Empress's hair to her hometown, I will travel the world and see everything. You will have a good life too ?" She turns and looks at Zisheng.

"Once I'm done with the taxation problem for his Majesty, I will return to the northeast region to protect the border and the people from harm. I will cherish myself, and I will also live well." Shao Shang lifts her head and looks into his direction. He is trying his best to smile at her, but his eyes are full of unshed tears. She can see he is holding back. Her heart broke when she saw it.

He told her he would live well, but Shao Shang couldn't believe him. Zisheng will go back to the northeast, and she knows quite well what it means. He will fight to defend the border until his dying breath, alone always.