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✿e l e a n o r✿

It's my free time and I chose to spend it with Dr. Dixon, since he's a guy who's so insightful and just knows his shit. I enter his classroom and offer him a small smile. "Hi, George."

"Eleanor," he greets, tipping his head forward slightly. "I think you're a little early for class."

I shake my head with a smile and proceed to sit in a chair in front of his desk. "No, I just want to talk to you."

He brings his elbows on the table and nods. "It's about Luke, isn't it?"

I purse my lips. "Um, no, not entirely. It's about my friend."

I see a hint of disappointment in Dixon's eyes for a moment, making me hesitate first before telling him what's on my mind. "Well, you see, Ashton and I have been close for as long as I can remember. We did everything together and stuff. But now that I met Luke, I kind of feel like Ashton isn't the only person worth spending time on. But I have to juggle my time with each of them, and it's so hard. Plus, Ashton hates Luke for reasons he never bothers to explain. Ashton said he doesn't like the idea of someone else being close to me, and the weird thing is, I sort of feel the same thing about him. He's seeing this girl, and I don't like her. She posts her sex life on the internet when she's supposed to be a PG tour guide at the aquarium. I don't know, it's just so confusing. I can't introduce Luke to my other friends too, since he has social anxiety and I don't want to put him under any pressure. I want what's best for Ashton and Luke."

"So the whole point of this is: you want to fulfil your unwritten commitments to the both of them?" Dixon asks.

I nod my head unsurely. "In a way."

"Eleanor, love shouldn't be based on time. It should be based on the effort. What you're doing now should be enough to make them realize how you're trying for them. You're exhausting yourself just to invest equal amount of time in both relationships, while you're trying to be genuinely happy in the process. Both of them are your best friends; you just have excessive feelings for the other. Don't give up the other one, alright? And I'm not talking about any one of them specifically. Just don't give up the other," he finishes.

See what I said about him knowing his shit?

I sigh. "You're right, but I don't know how to apply it in my life, George."

"Just let things unfold among themselves. Don't force anything. Don't force Ashton into liking Luke, and don't force Luke to meet them if he doesn't want to. Just let things happen on their own, because they will. They always will," he replies without a pause. I think he read too many novels and wrote too many stories that things like this just wrapped themselves around his brain for him to spit out at any given time.

I thank him and make my way out the room. Before I could, he speaks up one more time. "And, Eleanor, when you put everyone ahead of you, you'll end up last. Don't do things just for them. Do what's best for you too."

I look at him and offer a genuine smile. "Thanks, George. You're the best."

"Tell me something I don't know."

I jokingly roll my eyes at his cockiness and exit the room. I'm immediately met by a pair of strong hands, which of course, belong to Ashton. "Jake invited us three to the wedding!"

I grin and walk with Ashton. "Us three?"

"You, me, Michael," he answers. "It's two weeks from now, since Jake said they couldn't wait any longer."

"I'm so happy for him. He deserves it for the wonderful business he's running," I say with a longing sigh. I really hope the ship doesn't sink before it reaches land, as Calum has said.

"We're allowed to bring a date, you know," Ashton says with a small smile.

Luke instantly comes to mind. I know he'll decline, but there's no harm in trying. "I'm taking Luke."

Ashton's smile drops completely. "You're bringing him?"

"Why? Are you not gonna bring Sam?"

Ashton pauses for a moment and regains his composure. "Yeah, of course I am," he says a little bit too casually.

"Then we'll finally fulfil that stupid triple date Michael suggested," I say. "I'm gonna head to the library for a bit. Go to class, Ash."

He quietly bids his goodbye and I hear him mutter something before he was out of earshot. I look back at him but pretend I didn't hear anything.

I'm pretty sure it's nothing.

✿l u k e

You wouldn't believe the amount of pressure Eleanor is unknowingly putting on me right now. She invited me to be her date in a wedding she was invited to. There are five things that bother me about this: 1) she wants me to be her date, even though 2) I don't even know who's gonna be married, and 3) I'm pretty sure she could've just asked Ashton. 4) I'm not really comfortable in any social gathering because 5) I have social anxiety.

I've listened to how Eleanor spoke about the wedding, and how she spoke about the couple with such admiration and awe. She said that the guy was the girl's best friend since middle school, and as cliché as it seems, they fell for each other and risked their friendship in the process. It worked out, however, and Eleanor said that that's how it's supposed to be.

I can't help but think about her and Ashton's friendship as she tells me story after story about Jake and Arden. It's painfully clear that their friendship could advance towards the next level if they want it to. I haven't asked whether Eleanor and Ashton ever kissed or ever had faint signs of infatuation towards each other, and I'm saving myself the pain by keeping it that way. It's impossible for two heterosexual teenagers that have been the best of friends since high school to not share a kiss or two. By the looks of it, Ashton is the perfect match for Eleanor. He knows her better than anyone, he can speak, and he doesn't creepily paint portraits of her when she's not looking. Before I fully fall in that nagging pit of insecurity, I stop my thoughts and type in a reply to Eleanor's invite.

I'd love to come.


pic of mr. dixon in the multimedia bar thing above. (i cant imagine anyone else but paul rudd bc let's face it he makes a great mr. anderson in perks of being a wallflower)

im sorry this update took forever. our wifi sucks balls and school sucks balls too and everything sucks balls anYhoo whats up with you let's chat bye ily thanks for the support LUB YOUUUU -angelika

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