14 Fading Zen

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Louis woke up sweating and couldn't remember where he was. There was too much give beneath him for this to be his mattress.


Yes. The blanket fort.

Though a blanket was covering the window, he could tell the sun was starting to rise. He sighed and cursed his inability to sleep in.

Sunday morning.

He peeked over the edge of the couch and saw Harry sleeping, spooning with a plethora of pillows. Louis smiled.

He quietly got up and tiptoed over Harry to go upstairs. He slid into some gym shorts, brushed his teeth, then went into his room. It was still cloudy and moody outside.

It's so different. So completely different.

Just changing the wall color with one layer of barely opaque paint made Louis reevaluate his decision.

There's no going back at this point though. It's done. It can't ever go back to how it was.

It is what it is.

The only way is forward.

Louis picked up a paintbrush and sat in one of the corners that needed detailed attention. He thoughtfully applied multiple layers on the area until the necessary amount of layers had been applied.

Setting the paintbrush to his side, he laid on his back and closed his eyes. He could hear raindrops start to splash onto his window.


Not realizing he had fallen asleep on the tarp in his room, he woke up to the sound of Harry's footsteps crunching on the floor. He opened his eyes. Harry was in gym shorts and looked like he had combed his hair.

"Have you been here a while?"

Louis looked up and out the window. Rain was dribbling down the pane, soft pattering noises filling the room. "No. Maybe an hour? I didn't mean to fall asleep."

Harry sat down next to Louis. Louis liked this. It was easy.

No pressure.

"Thank you Harry." Louis looked up to Harry. "You make it easier to be..." He felt a certain way but wasn't quite sure how to say it. "Easier to be me, I suppose would be the right way to say it. Thank you."

Harry smiled down at Louis. Louis loved that they didn't always have to talk to communicate. Words were sometimes too loud to express emotions. The silence between them said enough.

I love the sound of rain.

Harry seemed very interested in Louis' arm. He scooted over to pick up his right arm and started tracing his stag and heart tattoo. "I really love these. I think they say a lot about you."

Louis tried not to fidget at the feeling of Harry reading him like an open book. "And what might that be?" He looked at Harry curiously.

"That you know true bliss and you know true emptiness. Not many people are dynamic enough to have experienced so fully both ends of the spectrum. And of those, even fewer are conscious of it and choose to learn from it."

Harry's voice was so soft and fond that it made Louis start to feel more vulnerable than he was comfortable with. He looked at the window with streaks of water running down the pane to try and avert his thoughts.

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