T(H)RUST - Ghost x Reader

Chapter 40

When you joined the army, the possibility of having to kill someone had been something you were aware of. But as time went on and you spent most of your days in front of computers, it had grown to be nothing you ever really thought of. Now, it was reality. You had killed a man. The guilt weighs heavy on your shoulders and you can't seem to get yourself out of bed, even though Ghost offered to help. All you wanted to do was sleep, but that's when the nightmares would come back. You never knew it would be so crushing to take someone's life, even if it was a justified action. You had to. Otherwise both Ghost and you would be dead. But that fact does nothing to ease your conscience.

Ghost comes into the bedroom, having made you a cup of tea. He places the mug down on the bedside table and sits down on the edge of the bed, right next to you.

"How are you feeling?" He gently rubs his hand along your thigh over the blanket.

"Horrible."

"You did what you had to."

While his words and his soft touch do bring some comfort, that dark lingering pressure of anxiety won't leave.

"How do you live like this?" You ask him.

"You learn to handle it." His voice is low and steady as he speaks. You sigh deeply. If you'd have to feel like this forever, you almost wish you'd have bled out back in Mexico.

There's a quiet meow from outside the bedroom door. Ghost squeezes your thigh before he stands up. When he opens the door, Tip comes running in and hops up into the bed. She meows and looks at you with her big eyes. Ghost pets her along her body.

"Y/n isn't feeling too good." He tells Tip as she walks around on the bed. It's a bit out of the blue, but she nuzzles up right next to your neck, and you can hear her purr quietly. Ghost leys out a quiet chuckle. "Your help is greatly appreciated, ma'am." He says with a soft tone.

Tip stays with you, even after Ghost heads out to the kitchen to make lunch. She is curled up like a tiny black ball and you can feel her tiny breaths against your neck. The constant purring is soothing and it does get you to focus on something else for a little while. You lay and lightly pet her soft fur for a long while.

As the weeks go by, you slowly get better. Each week you have three physical therapy appointments that Ghost takes you to. You are soon able to walk around independently, and you can walk from the bed to the kitchen without too much help. But the stairs still take a long while to get up. The grip in your hands seems to improve, more in one than the other. You have to relearn how to do stuff with your left hand instead of your right. It was all very frustrating though, feeling like you weren't progressing quickly enough. Every now and then you would get cramps in your foot because of the damaged nerves in your hip. They are incredibly painful and Ghost would have to slowly massage your whole leg, going down from your hip, to your toes, and then back up again to ease the pain. You had been advised to talk to someone about the nightmares and after a few sessions with a therapist at the base, you start to have fewer of them each night. Some nights you still wake up screaming, but luckily not as often. The guilt of your action also slowly started to lessen, but it still hung over you like a dark cloud.

At one point, when Simon is in the shower and you're laying on the couch, you decide to grab a glass of water. You get up from the couch and slowly walk over to the kitchen counter. There's a newly cleaned glass standing on the drying rack and you grab it with your left hand. It still felt a bit unusual to use it for almost everything and it shakes slightly as you hold the glass while turning on the water in the sink. You fill the glass with cold water and it gets heavier and heavier. Some water spills out on the outside of the glass while you go to turn the sink off.