Forty-Two

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"Nari!" Suga called.

"No." She yelled and walked away from him blindly. He grabbed her arm.

"Hey I'm sorry about back there. Jungkook's an ass sometimes. He didn't mean anything he said..." He trailed off uncertainly, when she pulled her arm away. She turned away from him. She was honestly afraid to look at him. She hated it when his eyes did that. And she hated herself for hating him. So she hated them even more, and she was thrown into a torrent of anger and self-hatred and sadness.

"It's not that." She hugged herself tightly.

"Then, what is it?" He seemed puzzled. She took a shaky breath. He didn't know she saw him those days, and he probably shouldn't know.

"I wish...I wish you wouldn't fight." She mumbled. He said nothing for a long time. She glanced back at him. He looked taken aback.

"What?" He asked.

"I wish you wouldn't fight!" She yelled angrily.

"How do you know I fight?" He asked suspiciously. She whipped around to face him. Why was he lying? Why wasn't he just telling her like he usually would?

"You do, don't you?" She asked.

"No of course not!" He scoffed. Anger boiled in her heart.

"You do! I know you do! Stop lying!" She screamed.

"How do you know? Have you seen me?" He sneered.

"Ye-" She bit down on her tongue sharply.

"How could you have seen me? I went back-" He closed his mouth quickly. They had both lost control. She stared at him sourly and he returned the stare.

"Did you follow me?" He asked.

"Yes." She hissed.

"Why? Why would you do that?" He yelled at her.

"Why didn't tell me you went out and fought people regularly?" She yelled. He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair.

"How many times did you follow me?" He asked exasperated.

"Twice." She blew out a hot, irritated breath.

"Twice? Wow!" He put his hand over his eyes.

"Why?" He asked again.

"I wanted to see what was so goddamn important!" She yelled. He shook his head.

"The second time?" He asked.

"Jin and J-Hope took me." She muttered.

"I f**king knew that rat was up to something!" Suga yelled angrily. She flinched and shied away from him. His eyes hadn't completely lost that glint yet.

"I'm going to destroy them!" He growled.

"No! Just stop fighting!" She pleaded, forgetting her anger.

"I'm not gonna get hurt." He fumed irritatedly.

"I know you're not! That's not why I want you to stop!" She yelled. He looked at her puzzled.

"Then why? I thought girls liked it."

She completely lost it.

"You think I'm just like those girls back there?" She screamed.

"Just some little trophy you can show off to your friends? I'm not! F**k your friends! Why do you let them control your life? Why do you do that to yourself when Rapmon snaps his finger? Why? What's the point? Why are you like that? Why do you do that? Why do you look like that? Why do you think it's okay? It's not! Why do you do what I did? Why? Why? Why!" She screamed until she ran out of breath. She panted and looked down at her feet.

"What?" He breathed, astonished. She shook her head and sobbed. She began to trudge up the beach, trying to contain her sobs. Why? Why did he do this to her?

"What do I look like?" He asked quietly. She stopped and looked back at him. He looked hurt and sad. Goddamn him. No matter how mad or upset she was at him, she still wanted to hug him and make everything better. She sighed and sat down in the sand.

"Your eyes." She murmured.

"Eyes?" He asked. She nodded.

"Usually they look so kind, and sweet, and loving, and playful. But when you fight...they just...they just look so mean and hard." He took a few steps towards her.

"Mean?" He asked.

"Merciless. Like whatever you're doing to them, no matter how much you hurt them, it's okay. It's all okay, and they deserve it. But just because they deserve it doesn't make it right. And people that deserve to be hurt shouldn't make you mean or harsh, because you're not. You're my sweet, stupid Suga. You're the guy who pulls my hair back just to ask my name. The guy that nearly kisses me to see if I like him. The guy that takes me to see planetariums, ponds, beaches, and trees. The guy that carries me to the office when I'm sick. The guy that texts me back at 3AM. The guys that piggy-backs me home. The guy that hugs me from behind. The guy that falls out of windows. The guy that kisses me like I'm the only girl that ever mattered. The guy that puts me first when I don't deserve it. The guy that loves me even though I hurt you. The guy that holds me just because. You're that guy. That's my Suga. Not the guy who beats people senseless for fun. Not the guy who does what his friends tell him. Not the guy who hurts people just to be cool. That's not you. And I won't-I refuse to let that be you. So please, just don't fight anymore." Her voice was barely a whisper when she finished. Tears showered from her eyes. Suga had moved closer, and closer as she talked. He knelt down in front of her and grabbed her, pressing her into his chest.

"I'm also the guy that lied to you. The guy that yelled at you. The guy that made you cry. The guy that hurt you. The guy that doesn't deserve a single glance from you. I'm that guy too. And I understand if you don't want that guy either." He murmured against her ear. Her eyes widened and she shook her head vigorously.

"You lied to protect me. You yelled to protect me. Yes, you made me cry, yes, you hurt me, but that wasn't you. That was someone else. It's not you." She sobbed. It wasn't him. She wasn't going to let it be him, and she wasn't going to let him do that to himself. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her softly.

"But don't you see? That is me too. That's someone I condemned myself to be a long time ago." She heard him sob quietly. She shook her head.

"No it's not! You're the little kid that blushed when I touched your hand. You're the kid that was too shy to be anybody's friend." She insisted fiercely. She was going to keep her beautiful, shy, sweet, stupid, amazing, happy, cute Suga, just the way he was supposed to be.

"The guy that fights, that's part of me too. I may fight for the wrong reasons, and a may fight for the right ones, but the bottom line is I fight. And I know that's not someone you want, or someone you need. I'm not as perfect as I made you believe. And I understand if you can't love that part of me, so maybe it'd be better if we just..." He gulped down a sob.

What.

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(A/N)

im facetiming my friend rn. shes super gross but shes okay. guisss go read her story PWTB bacon_swims

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