𝙱𝚊𝚍 𝚁𝚘𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎| 𝐑𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫

LXXXVIII

It's been a couple of weeks since Roger broke up with me. And it was the hardest couple of weeks of my life. I hardly left my flat, I was barely eating because I never had an appetite and I spent most of the day in bed, just sulking.

Plus my face was constantly red and puffy from the amount of crying I've been doing. I refused Rogers offer on abortion. I remembered the first time I had one and it wasn't exactly easy. I just didn't have the energy to go through that procedure again.

And even though I've only been pregnant for three months I'm already beginning to feel a connection to the strange thing growing inside of me. The baby was only thing I had to keep me company 24/7 through this rough part.

Obviously I had my friends trying to help, encourage me to eat more, get outside more. But the main reason I still had somewhat motivation to actually keep myself alive was the baby.

Right now I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling just wishing I could take it all back. Wishing that I'd wake up and this would all just be some crazy nightmare. Wishing that I had never fallen in love with someone to took my heart and broke it in two.

I wish it would all go away. The pain, the heartache, the memories, all of it. It hurts too much to think about it. In fact it's exhausting.

My hand was on my stomach as I considered if I should go to the kitchen and make myself some food. It's three o'clock in the day and I haven't eaten a thing. But the kitchen just seems so far away. I knew I had to get my life in order and stop mopping around because a guy broke up with me, especially before the baby arrives. But I just couldn't be bothered even waking up in the mornings.

I heard a knock at the door and groaned, pondering if I should just ignore it or not. No doubt it'll probably be Morgan, Raven or Willow. They come up every day to make sure I'm still alive and make me food and just talk to me.

They really are good friends, but all I want is to disappear. Just vanish into thin air. But I can't.
The door knocked louder and I huffed loudly, as I got out of bed to go answer it.
"I'm coming!" I said through a strangled tone, as I opened the door to see all three of them at the door.

"Christ, you look awful." Raven commented, as she glanced over my appearance. Rude. Although I can hardly blame her.. I had eyebags under my eyes, my hair was a mess, I've been wearing the same pj's for three days in a row. Or was it four? What day is it today? I've been calling in sick to work everyday and I'm dreading when i need to actually go back.

"I'm flattered. Come in." I opened the door wider, as they walked in.
"So, how have you been?" Morgan asked, sounding concerned.

"I've been just terrific, how about you?" I said, sarcastically, as I went over to the kitchen to make tea.

"Have you eaten at all today?" Willow asked, knitting her brows together.

"No, I forgot." I shrugged.
"You forgot to eat?" Morgan asked.
"Yeah." I nonchalantly replied. God, don't I sound ungrateful? They don't need to ruin their plans and just show up here everyday to make sure I'm alright, but they do.

"You know that isn't good for the baby, right? Or you if you're even concerned for yourself at all." Raven told me, as I filled the four mugs with teabags and the boiling water.

I sighed, knowing she was right. "I know. I'll eat something right now." I told them, as I handed them their tea, before going back to the kitchen to make myself a bowl of cereal. Although just the sight of it made me feel sick. I really didn't have an appetite.

"Ophelia, you can't keep living like this. You'll make yourself depressed staying in your flat day in day out. You need to go outside, talk to people, eat. You need to get out of those pj's, you've been wearing them for four days in a row." Raven told me.

"I know... I just don't have the energy to do anything. I'm worried.. I don't know how I can cope with being a single mum when I can't even cope right now." I ran my hand through my hair in stress.

"Things will get better. You won't feel this way forever. How long did it take for you to get over Roger last time?" Willow asked, looking at me with sympathy in her eyes.

"5 months. Maybe more, maybe less. I can't really remember.. But this is different. I wasn't pregnant- well.. I didn't keep it last time. I didn't fall in love to have everything thrown back in my face." I told them.

"Well, like Willow said, this feeling of sadness isn't permanent. It won't stay with you forever." Morgan promised.

"I know it won't.. I just miss him. I felt like I gave him everything and had it all thrown back in my face.. I really did love him.." and I still do.