What If? (P1) || Jake / Reader || Draft

Regrets

You silently dig into your food, not even so much as looking at him.
   Not for anger or fear or anything, but because it's been a heavy subject to focus on tonight.

He glances at you for a moment, hopeful you'll look back - but he stays in your peripherals.

"So how'd it go with Max?" Jake asks, trying to break the awkward silence. "-Anything new?"

Grace seems frustrated and saddened.
  Norm takes note of it and reaches out to rub her shoulder, concerned.

"They .. have called for martial law." She says. "Their main concern is the avatar drivers. We don't know what will happen just yet, but Max says he will update as soon as possible."

"Shit." You breathe out and drop your fork in your plate. "We need to do something in the next few days."

"There's only us." Grace reminds. "Nobody else is able to come here, and we can't get them out without risking everything."

"Well." Jake seems to add in his own bit. "Actually, I did speak to Neytiri...
     In turn she spoke to Mo'at.
  That's why I was late, she and Eytukan were discussing things."

And you finally look in his direction.

"They're letting you three in, so long as our, well, my progress continues." Since you didn't have much of anything left to improve on.
  He looks over to Trudy, sparing you from any direct eye contact.
"They want to know how to deactivate or bring down the Samsons easier. I told them you'd know what to do."

"Hell yeah I do." She states with a bit of pep in her voice. "Ill happily show them."

"Wow." Norm mouths in excitement. "When do we go? Tomorrow?"

"First light."

"That's.. amazing." Grace states, smiling. It's been far too long. "Look at you two."

And you shy away at the manner in which she refers to you and Jake, happily.

"I'm proud of all of you." She adds. "I hope you know that. We're making progress, even if it isn't as fast as we wish we could. It's something."

Norms still lost in his thoughts, amazed at getting to finally know them. His whole life boiled down to this one insane moment.

———

You're first in bed after washing up, and don't hesitate to pull the blanket over yourself as you settle in.

It's not long until Jake joins in, and you certainly feel the absence of his touch as he's facing away from you and cuddling one of his pillows instead.

It's hard to sleep like this, and you have to kick the covers a bit of the way down as you're sweating with anxiety at this point.

And eventually toss the blanket off completely as you roll over onto your back.

Jake's still awake though, even if you don't know it at first.

He hears the way you uncontrollably sigh as you're trying to level your breathing, calming yourself from the living nightmare that is Quaritch haunting you.

Regardless of how far away he is, it doesn't change the look in your sons face when he died - it doesn't undo the horror in Tuk's as she was captured with the others back by the original placement of the old shack.

"Babe?" Jake calls out as he turns over, and scoots in closer as he places a hand on your chest. He knows that breathing pattern, and feels your heartbeat.

"Sorry." You faintly express, placing a hand over his. "Panic attack.. I think."

It beats so fast that you can feel it in the back of your head and out of your ears, even.

"Hey, hey - I'm here." He soothingly rubs his fingers along your rib cage.
"I'm sorry about earlier."

He tried so not hard to set anything off, but sometimes it couldn't be helped. Even when you tried not to.

"I don't mean to push." He clarifies. "I just hate not knowing all of what you've been through. I want to help, but it's difficult at times."

"We." You correct, squeezing his hand. "We've been through."

"I can't help having so many questions, and I do get frustrated not having answers."

You look at him, and faintly frown.
   "I know. That's how I feel trying to plan this right so nothing goes bad. Too many scenarios, not enough time."

As strong as you had been, carrying around the possibilities of your friends deaths and losing your kids was too much at times. Even if you tried to give yourself a moment of freedom, to enjoy what you could while here.
  Whatever here is.

"I don't know if I can handle losing anyone else." You finally admit, your voice hoarse.
"Especially not again."

He pulls himself in closer, and rests his head on your chest.
   "I'm going to do everything I can to prevent that, baby. Right here with you through all of it."

You place your fingers in his hair, and scratch against his scalp favorably as you listen to him.
   "I know you will."