In-Air Comfort

Brotherly Comfort

"Yeah, I do, but don't tell Dean or Baby."

"You take the first shift driving, I wanna keep researching."

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The sun is just beginning to set when you and Sam pull a park at a cheap-looking motel in Peoria, Illinois. Sam goes to the reception to get a room while you wait in the car. The eight-plus hour drive ended up being quite enjoyable. You listened to music that Dean would never allow through Baby's speakers and sang along. When Sam took a turn driving you even listened to one of his favourite serial killer podcasts and you found yourself very intrigued. You and Sam had never been on a hunt together without Dean, but now you were wishing you had. You know if you ever told Dean about this trip and how much fun you'd had just driving he'd get super jealous and upset, even though you've only ever seen Sam as a friend or brother. That's not to say your road trips with Dean aren't fun, they're just different. You always sing along with Dean's classic rock music too, but he doesn't like trying new things or talking much. Serious conversations are a rarity in your relationship. The only times you're really able to have a serious conversation with him is after a fight, injury, sex or if he's drunk enough to let down his guard. In fact, that was how the two of you started dating: he was drunk and horny after a tough hunt. You'd been hunting with them for a few months at this point and despite getting along better with Sam, your heart and body wanted Dean. So you took the plunge; you got between him and the blonde he'd been hitting on at the bar and went in for the kiss. Then you turned around and told the blonde that he was taken. Shocked by your actions Dean just stared at you until you dragged him out to the backseat of the Impala.

"Y/N? Did you hear me? Room 10," you hear Sam say, waking you from your reverie.

"Yeah, sorry," you say shaking your head and taking the car out of park. Sam leads the way to the room as you pull up in front. He helps you grab your bags and goes inside.

"How about you get comfy? Shower, whatever you need to do and I'll pick us up some dinner," Sam says as he dumps his bag on the bed nearest to the door.

"Ok," you say, tossing him the car keys. You watch him walk out then go for a shower and change into comfier clothes. When he returns you're sitting on your bed with your laptop on your lap going over the news articles and lore that Sam had sent you for the case. He hands you a paper bag and a soda, you look over at him and see that he has a beer.

"You know I'm not pregnant anymore, Sam..."

"Right, of course. Sorry."

"Don't apologise, rectify this situation. I thought this trip was all about me finding normality again?"

He nods and hands you his beer and gets himself another from the six-pack he bought. You open it and take a big sip and make a face as you swallow. "I never did really like beer. Wine and cocktails are much better, but don't tell Dean that either."

"Then why'd you want the beer?"

"Normality, Sam. This is how we always start a hunt. And if you want the truth, it reminds me of Dean."

"Of course. Hey, Y/N, can I ask you a question?"

"Always."

"Why Dean? I just mean, you and I have always gotten on better...if I'm honest, that night at the bar I thought you were gonna kiss me and then you went over and kissed him instead..."

"Did you want me to kiss you?"

"Maybe...But that's not the point."

"Sam, you can't say this to me now. I thought you were all for me and Dean fixing things. We're engaged. We almost had a kid together. I love him."

"I know, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. I don't even know why I brought it up. Things just felt different in the car today, I guess. It reminded me of old times, you know...before you and Dean..."

"You said it yourself earlier, you're going to be my brother-in-law soon. We're close, but not like Dean and I are. I have always had fun with you, and while we do get along better most of the time, we never fight, and I still generally go to you first when anything's wrong, and Dean knows all of that. But that's just because it's easier with you. Maybe, it should have been you, maybe...But I can't really explain it. I was just never attracted to you like that, not that you're not good-looking, you are. I just-"

"Dean just gets all the girls...I get it. Even engaged he can get any girl's number with just a look."

"He's been getting other girl's numbers?"

"He always throws them out. I think he just likes to know that he can. He'd never act on it. He knows how good he's got it with you."

"Maybe not. I might not be able to give him a family..."

"And you think those other girls can or would? They just want a good lay."

"I love you, Sam, but you're like a brother to me. I'm sorry if you wanted things to be different between us but I'm with Dean now. And despite our fights and issues, I hope I always will be. The heart wants what it wants. I'm sorry if that hurts you, but I hope we can work past this. We're family."

"I just...he doesn't treat you right. You deserve to be treated like a queen or like the badass hunter you are, but instead, he treats you like a child and locks you in the bunker. I can see the effect it has on your confidence. All you have is sex, all you've ever had is sex."

"Sam, that's not true. Is he overprotective sometimes? Sure. But he means well."

"But you stopped having sex and now what? You're barely talking."

"That's not why and you know it!"

Sam gets up and storms into the bathroom slamming the door behind him. You down the rest of the beer, grimacing at the burn in your throat. You try to focus back on the cases in front of you to block out Sam's troublesome confession and accusation. The words all jumble together, so you grab your keys and go sit in the car instead. You can't bring yourself to drive so you pull your phone out. Before you can stop yourself, you're dialling Dean's number.

"Hey, sorry I left without saying anything, I had to come help Bobby with something."

"I know, it's fine. I just need to ask you something."

"Shoot."

"Is there more to our relationship than sex?"

"What makes you ask that?"

"Just tell me the truth, Dean."

"Of course. You make me feel safe, happy, and hopeful. All feelings I haven't felt since I was four. You make me want to be a better man. You give me a reason to live and fight harder to get to the other side of this dangerous, messy life we lead. You make me believe there is a way out. I don't tell you every day, even though I should, but I love you. I just...since you lost the baby...I guess I've felt lost. Like maybe there isn't a way out or a future for us."

"Dean...don't say that."

"You wanted the truth...I knew I never should have got my hopes up. You let me believe and then you let me down, again."

"Don't you dare blame me! I wasn't sure either, and you're the one that convinced me! You're the one that told me it would be okay. I know you're hurting, Dean, but so am I."

"Hunters just aren't meant to have relationships or families or futures."

"Dean, baby, please. That's not true."

"Look around, sweetheart, it is."

You feel like you're suffocating in the confines of the car, you yank at the handle and stumble out as quickly as you can. You take a few deep breaths of fresh air and then crumble to the cold road in tears. You hang up without saying a word.

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