My tears silently ran down the side of my face as I laid in the bunk. I had just had a panic attack. In front of Kellin. So much for keeping this under control.
I knew I was going to be questioned later, I knew he was going to tell the guys.
Nikki : Vicky I need you, I just had a panic attack. I cant do this
Vicky: Noo! Baby gurl. Just breath. What happened?
Nikki: danny msged me
Vicky: okay, ill telling the driver we need to stop. I will be with you in less them 20
It wasn’t long untill I heard the bunk area door slid open and pressure on my bed.
“Love, your coming with me”
Without even having time to process. My blankets were ripped from my body and light blinded my eyes.
“No, Vicky. I don’t want to move” I groaned, flipping over so I could face the wall.
I heard her grunt and walk out. Making me curious on to where she was going.
Five minutes later I heard the bus door open and close.
“Your lucky, your boyfriend went back to his own bus and that im talking to Mike, cause I wouldn’t be here.” she said trying to guilt trip me.
“You'd still be here even if that wasn't the case” I knew she was rolling her eyes behind me as she slid into the bunk beside me.
“You going to tell me what happened?” she said softly.
I let out a big breath and told her about the attack and how I was pushing him away. How I was afraid and that danny texted me.
“Nikki, you cant do this. So what? You saw Danny. He tried to messeage you. Its not like he wants you back or anything. Kellin is here, I don’t get why your afraid? You have to get over this. Think of Trevor.”
Her words where blunt, and straight forward. Its what I needed, it was the truth but they failed to tell me how.
I also didn’t tell her what Danny said.
“Vicky, Kellin thinks im mad at him. Hes even mad at me. I cant fix this, you know me”
“Yeah I do, as soon as theres a problem you run.” she was right, I ran from everything.
I kept silent, not knowing what to say. I hated myself, I wish I could change. I was a coward, weak and pathetic.
“What did he say?” she spoke softly, understanding how harsh she words were.
Without a word I pulled out my phone and handed it to her.
Danny: Hey love, how about we get dinner sometime? I miss you and I think its time I meet our son
She stared at the phone just how I did the first time I saw the text. Danny never wanted anything to do with Trevor, he wanted nothing to do with both of us. He was a coward too. We both were, I hated how we were so alike. It killed me inside to think about how perfect we use to be.
“I think you should” Vickys words broke me out of my thoughts making me suck in too much air and start to choke.
“Wha..what?” I spoke between my coughing fit.
She let out a small laugh at me.
“I think you should, it'll give you closure”
“What closure? I cant see him, you saw how I got”
“Listen, if Danny wants to meet his son. I don’t think theres any way to stop him, either he shows up unexpected at the wrong time or you set a time and make sure its just you and him. Plus you can finally get out everything you wanted to say. Making sure its you this time who walks away.”
I stared at my best friend, I couldn’t believe she was telling me to go see Danny. I couldn’t handle him in Vega, how was to suppose to handle him for a night. Plus! How was I suppose to lie to Kellin about this? People would find us.
“She's right you know” both Victoria's and my head shot towards the door. Vic stood there leanding on the fram with his arms crossed over his chest.
My mouth was haning open, both of them? I couldn’t believe this.
“Nikki, I think you should. You have to face your fear to get over him”