Perfecto || lukamos [english]

Gilded Lily

- "And, even if they are reciprocated, we both know that it is not a good idea to show these... feelings, in the long run they will only bring us problems, 'cause a world where two footballers are a couple and people are fine with it is not the world in which we live"- Sergio knew it from the moment those feelings were born in his chest and he hated living in a world where he and Luka couldn't love each other without their faces appearing on the cover of the news with disgust and disdain, because if the world was more tolerant and they were braver now they would be kissing instead of hiding what they felt.

- "I just want things not to change between you and me"- there was sadness in his voice -"Maybe in another life we are meant to be more than what we are, but in this one we can only continue being friends" - the sadness of Luka was mixed with the desire for him to change his words, but Sergio was too focused on trying not to get burned by the anguish that he didn't notice it.

-"Oh..." - escaped from his lips like a lamentable sigh, not knowing what he should say or do. - "I-, yeah, it's okay, I understand, no problem," he said quickly without breathing between words. - "But I can't pretend that this feeling doesn't exist, because they're bigger than me and it hurts"-.

- "We don't need to pretend that this didn't happen, but a relationship could ruin our friendship and our reputation,"- and Sergio hated how Luka was always so logical and right - "It's not something I'm willing to risk, you're too important for me to lose you because of a teenage fantasy"- and if it were other circumstances he would appreciate it, but the feeling of not being chosen over people's opinions burned inside him.

Luka looked at him as if he were trying to defuse a bomb or put out a fire, careful not to get burned or fall with him, but Sergio just wanted it to explode and bury them both under the ground, because he already felt the fire burning his insides and his skin, leaving only anguish and anger in its wake.

-"Is that alright?"- Luka timidly questioned under the flames of anguish, and although it meant that he could keep him in his life as he always did, it was not enough to fix a damn thing.

-"Yeah"- and he smiled, because it didn't matter if his eyes were crystals shining under the tears that didn't come out of his eyes, because they were okay, and it was his fault for believing that something was going to change.

-"Okay"- said Luka, but it sounded unreal because now his head was underwater and his ears were hearing static under the cotton, and he received a fleeting kiss on the lips, too quick to call it a kiss or to believe that it was real, but it was a reminder that they would never have another one because of the fear of being judged by mouths that would never listen.

-"See you at training" - and there was a silence because lately there had been too many silences between them and each one made him want to throw up.

Luka left, slipping out of his hands, going through that door. He could only see him through the windows of the venue, he started his car and drove away under his gaze. Sergio could only hear the silence while the earth split in half around him because nothing had changed and they were still friends who shared rings and watched movies, nothing changed except his heart. And he allowed himself to cry under the cloak of silence, before leaving for what his life was destined for.

...

Somehow, the training flowed normally and Sergio and Luka went back to what they always were. At first, there was this annoying tension that Ramos destroyed with a joke between them. Everything from there on happened as if their hearts hadn't just been crushed by a clash of reality, between kisses, hugs, laughter, and jokes. Even when Cristiano looked at him with pity, showing that he knew about that morning, and he just returned a smile. Even when it was time to go home and they were the last ones to leave.

Sergio somehow ended up at Luka's house, keeping him company while he packed his things for his stay in Germany, talking and joking while the clock ticked away, laughing and pretending. They were both good at pretending, pretending they weren't exchanging loving glances, pretending their hearts weren't beating in unison, pretending their fingers weren't tangled in a red thread that bound them together, because they preferred to pretend rather than to get lost in each other. Pretending was all that was left in their fake friendship.

And it wasn't until he was shielded by the walls of his house in the middle of the night that he dropped the mask that covered the lies on his face. He started a war with nothingness, throwing whatever came in his way with anger and pain, hating Luka for putting his public image first and hating the world for not accepting a love that will never be announced, screaming in silence.

He rubbed his eyes tiredly because all there really is a cruel fate and a bunch of fucking stories and he was damn exhausted of everyone having so much power in his life and not being given the chance to decide what he wanted.

Even when his cellphone lit up with a new message, he didn't stop until there was nothing left and he collapsed huddled in the corner of the mess, crying crystals that cut his cheeks and shone in the reflection of his phone's light, Luka's goodnight was not needed and he swallowed it all to reply with a heart.

A storm passed through his home and he didn't dare to fix it even after returning from the game against Bayern a day later, because even though they won, Sergio burned his heart and Luka burned with him.

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This story is already finished, so don't worry, it actually has a happy ending, there are still many things ahead.