Heartbreak At Motel 7!

Chapter 6

"Hey." Marsha's soft voice interrupted my thoughts and snapped me back to reality, "What are you thinking about?"

I remember it as vividly as the few moments that had just passed. We were in her college dorm, laid up comfortably on her bed.

Marsha was laid down on her back, her legs up against the wall. She stared at the ceiling, intoxicated off of marijuana and lust as she overshared about her most recent crush.

I sat beside her, at the head of the bed while sloshing around fruit juice in a cup. I hadn't said anything in a while. I was listening to her speak.

Her new crush was this boy in one of her classes and apparently he was "totally gorgeous". Her words, Not mine. Hence the quotation marks.

I wish that I could go into giggly fits when thinking about a boy.
Unfortunately throughout my 19 years of living, I've never had a crush on a boy. Crazy, Right?

It's especially annoying when you know that the very essence of girl friendships are gossip, drama and of course, boys. Being on the playground and squealing about the boys as they play football, that's how some girl friendships come to be.

As you can imagine, me wanting to speak about anything BUT the boys didn't exactly make me the most popular friend choice.

I adopted a motto at that point.
Boys are made of frogs, snails and puppy dog tails!

I blamed the fact that I didn't like any boys on the foundation that I knew, at the back of my mind, that no boy would like me back.

Somewhere along the line, I must have subconsciously closed myself off to romantic connection whatsoever, since I believed that no person could truly like me for me.

I felt too human to be liked.

I'm not pretty 24/7.
My mind is filled with thoughts and opinions that sometimes I don't even fully understand.
My skin breaks out at the most sporadic times.
I have heavy periods that come along with bloating and nausea. (Hot, right?)

I have moments of just wanting to be alone and according to everyone, when you get married you're bound together for life. Feels too committal for me.

I have hair on awkward places on my body, and if you look at me for too long, I fear that you may simply be finding me unattractive.
I also go on random long rants, just like these ones.

These aren't exactly bad qualities. They're actually just human things and insecurities, as everyone has. But still.

Too human to ever truly be loved.

Also, I didn't smoke so listening to the things that Marsha could think of while high was fascinating.
So I just sat in silence, taking notes like a field biologist observing animals in their natural habitat.

"I wasn't thinking about anything. I was just listening to you." I replied.
"You've been quiet for like an hour." Marsha pointed out.

She was wrong. We've only been quiet for like a minute, max.
Although she wouldn't be completely incorrect in suspecting that my mind was elsewhere.

I hadn't seen Vera in a few days and I was contemplating whether I should just let bygones be bygones or if I should actually make a way to see her again.

The thought of this alone messed with my head. Why would I go out of my way to see her again?

Did I want an adventurous lifestyle that badly, one that I couldn't see myself obtaining on my own?

You couldn't blame me for seeking adventure by clinging onto her side. You could even say that I was living vicariously through her.

As she told me about her job, I sat and stared at her with large eyes.
I was unable to comprehend how one human being could experience so much in such a short period of time.