You and I will be alright

Chapter Four

The car was hot as fuck. As Maverick gets in the passenger seat, he looks around at the dumb trinkets I have. Since this car was a shitbox I kinda did whatever I wanted to do since it was old and probably not going to last me much longer. It was a 2008 Chevrolet Impala. I stuck glow stars to the interior roof, some cool stickers to the dash. I had a dead glow stick hanging from the rear view mirror. I held down the clutch and brake and turned the key in the ignition, the engine sputtered to life. Suddenly music started blasting excessively so I quickly turned the volume knob down. I pressed the window buttons and put the front ones all the way down so we didn't suffocate from the heat. He still looked at everything, looking slightly weirded out. I just glanced over. His gaze was now on the radio that switched from Track 2 to Track 3. He looked shocked at the metal music playing in the vehicle. Ride the Lightning came to an end and a clock chimed, signaling the beginning of From Whom the Bell Tolls started playing. I fucking loved this song. It took a lot in me to not start bobbing my head to the music and pretending to play air drums.

"You can switch out the CD if you want." I say, opening the middle console to show him my collection of CD's. He glanced at my collection.

"This is fine." He replies, still inspecting them. I shrugged and put the car in reverse, backing out of my parking spot. My mind thought of the closest grocery store and I went from there. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel and the gear shift to the beat of the song. I decided not to focus on him staring at me. It didn't bother me much anyways. I did it to people, so naturally they'll do it back to me.

In under 10 minutes we're at the grocery store. I kill the engine and we get out, making our way inside. The AC hits us harshly as we walk inside. He moves to the left, almost knocking into me to grab a cart. He pushes it and holds the list as I walk around, grabbing the items as he calls them out to me. Other than that, we didn't talk about anything else. I was too occupied to hold a real conversation. I always get distracted by crowds or large amounts of people around me. I was able to listen to his call outs and grab what he said though, it kept me focused. Maverick watched me zing round the store, almost running into people and almost dropping several items. I found my anxiety was heightened in busy places so I tried to be extra alert and it didn't always do me any favors. It sometimes made me messy. It's okay though.

When we got to the check out, he insisted on putting everything on the belt since I loaded the cart. We switched places and now I was watching him. His arms were huge. Hands too. I'm not admiring, I'm just observing him. The tattoo on his upper arm was a side profile of a cartoon woman and some stars and other trinkets around her. I end up handing him some things that we put in the tiny place where kids usually sit like some fruits. I noticed there wasn't an extra person to bag our stuff so I moved around him, trying my best not to touch him, and began bagging some items. He smelled like cologne, but it wasn't overbearing. When the total came up he took his credit card from his wallet.

"I'll e-transfer you when we get home." I say. He tapped the card and glanced over at me giving me a singular nod. I hoped that he wasn't weirded out when I said home. The cashier watched us and smiled. I flashed her a small smile and continued bagging. She hands Maverick the receipt and he helps me put the remaining stuff away in bags. He moves around me and goes to push the cart out of the store, I got another whiff of his scent, it was nice. It was something I usually noticed about people. I walked by his side as we got back to my car.

We loaded the groceries in the trunk and made our way home. We listened to the rest of the album and made it back to the apartment when it came to an end. After bringing the groceries inside and putting them away, I checked the receipt and got his email to send him half the amount. "For tonight should we just have the leftover pizza?" I wondered, remembering quite a bit was leftover.

He shrugs. "Yeah, I'll reheat it in the oven."

"I'm gonna shower." I announce, not waiting for a reply before I go to my room to grab some basketball shorts to put on after, no longer wanting to wear the overalls again. I toss my beanie onto my bed before I go to the bathroom and shut the door after myself. I didn't wait for the water to completing heat up, I was absolutely fucking scorched from the weather outside. I was over summer and I was really looking forward to fall.

I thought of my mothers' birthday towards the end of August. I'm sure Will is going to try to enlist Michael, Jack and myself to go to her house with him to celebrate. Maybe I should since last year I completely ghosted the plan all together. I did send her a birthday text and didn't respond when she replied 'thank you sweetie. Miss u'. My brain keeps telling her to get fucked but my heart says to keep it cool.

I got out of the shower and wrapped my hair in a towel and used another to dry my skin. I pulled my bra and underwear back on and glanced at my body in the mirror. I'll never forget one day 4 years ago when my mother walked in on me changing and instead of being a normal mother and leaving, she looked me up and down, made a face then said in her condescending tone, "You should start coming to the gym with me." She didn't understand why I yelled at her to get the fuck out of my room and slammed the door in her face. I heard her saying to my dad "I don't understand why she's always so upset with me, Dan." She knew very fucking well.

I think about the interaction literally every time I catch a glance of my body half clothed or even naked in the mirror. I tended to try not to do so and just look at myself once I was dressed. I really liked my style so it made me happy to wait to check myself out. I shake my head quickly, pull on my t-shirt and shorts and hang my towel up. I take the one from my hair and towel dry it a bit. I hang that as well and brush my hair before I leave the bathroom. Maverick is grabbing plates and two bottles of beer like the night before. The pizza was on the stovetop. My thoughts still lingered around my mother, I felt my cheeks warm with anger. I always went long periods of time with not thinking of her and trying not to give a fuck but when she came to mind she was hard to forget.

When I glanced up, Maverick was looking at my face with a curious expression, probably wondering why I look like a pissed off child. I unfurrow my brows and smile as he hands me a plate. He puts two slices on his and two on mine. I nod towards the stray one left on the pan. "Take it." I say. We do the same as yesterday and sit at the island, eating our pizza and sipping on beer. I noticed he had Spotify playing off the TV so we weren't engulfed by the silence and sounds of eating. I made a mental note to go to the store after work this week to restock the alcohol he's given me.

Afterwards I placed our plates in the dishwasher and got a text from Michael, who asked if my PC was set up yet. I replied that it was and he immediately told me to go online. I was in a Discord Server with him and his friends, then one with my own. Usually when he told me to go on it was to play a specific game with them. When I went on my own we either played something or just caught up, since everyone is busy with work, school, or don't even live in the city still. "I'm gonna go on my PC for a bit." I say, immediately after wondering why I had to announce it. He probably wouldn't have cared if I just walked into my room and shut the door. He didn't need a play by play.

His brows raise, he goes to speak but stops himself. "Cool. I may be out later." I nod and slip away to my room. By now my hair was a little more dry. I slid into my chair and pulled my headset on my head and booted it up. I joined the call and was greeted happily by Michael and his friends. I could class them as mine too I guessed. We began the Halo:Reach campaign, probably for the 3rd time now. I tried to keep my shouting at a minimum, sometimes I got way too into it and screamed or yelled when I died or killed an enemy. It was also hard to hear how loud I actually was with my headset on, as they were good at noise cancellation. I wanted to be mindful of Maverick. I felt like I was at home again in my basement, making call outs in game and genuinely laughing, properly enjoying myself. I usually went on my computer whenever I had any negative emotion, purely for a distraction. Usually after I finished a screaming match with mom.

I hadn't realized hours had passed but I realized how thirsty I was and how heavy my eyes felt. I logged off and got up off my chair, stretching my arms high above my head, the nice sensation running through me. I exited the room, the apartment was silent and all lights were off. Maverick's door was open wide and the lights were off there as well. Guess he actually did go out. I grabbed a cup of water and went back to my room, crawling under my sheets, passing out soon after my head hit the pillow.