6 Fading Zen

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Louis was on his doorstep and shuffling around for his keys. He leaned his shoulder on the door and it opened with the weight of his body. Louis tripped over the door jam and fell backwards onto his doormat. He was still a bit fuzzy in the head from the alcohol.

Apparently he forgot to lock the door.

Great.

Louis looked upside down at the state of his house. At least his home didn't get burglarized as a result of his impulsive rush out the door earlier this evening.

25 years old, and he's obviously not responsible enough to be a homeowner.

He sat up and kicked off his shoes. Standing up, he closed his front door, not bothering to lock it, and headed to the kitchen. He opened the fridge.

You just ate. What are you doing?

Louis shook his head at himself. It was only 8-o'-clock. He went upstairs and into his room. He picked up some of the clothes that had been strewn across his floor and put them away.

He caught sight of his bathroom and realized he left the tub filled. He walked over to unplug it and sat on the edge of the tub as he listened to it swirl down the drain.

Friends.

Is that what you want? Isn't that safest for now?

Remember what happened with Liam? What makes you think this will end any different? No one is trustworthy. And a relationship with him? Forget about that altogether.

Louis had a terrible track record with ends of both friendships and relationships.

"Time is the only thing that will heal the deepest wounds Louis."

Zayn's words echoed in his brain.

He stared at the draining water.

Harry's face popped into his mind.

"Do you trust me?"

He pulled out his phone and opened the browser.

In the search bar he typed: How to trust people

While he waited for the search results to load, he went and sat on his bed. The first thing that came up was an article by Oprah. He laughed in spite of himself.

He read the article and took from it that he was cynical, refused to see the good in himself and others, and feared being seen as naive.

Well they're not wrong.

Zayn had pretty much destroyed his innocence. Not that Louis didn't give it to him willingly and desperately. Yes, he was a virgin when they met, but Louis had done everything up to the point of sex with many others. Louis knew what giving up his virginity would mean, but didn't realize the innocence that would be destroyed would be his child-like trust and love of life. He was too young and didn't know what he was getting himself into.

"Louis, you're so young." Zayn laughed and bopped his nose.

Louis swatted his hand away. He pleaded, "Then teach me. Teach me to be like you. I don't want to be young."

Zayn cupped Louis' face in his hand. He kissed his nose and whispered to him. "It will happen in time love. All in good time."

Louis remembered having that conversation with Zayn hundreds of times. It always ended with Zayn or Louis fucking each other.

He hated being young. He hated it.

Louis pondered on that thought. It had been a long time since he let his thoughts travel this far. He hadn't opened this part of his memory since Zayn left him. Aside from his rush of adrenaline and emotions with Harry the last few days, he doesn't remember the last time he felt excited about life since Thailand, and that scared him.

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