Chapter 1

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I woke up from my alarm clock and I looked up at it slowly, the time was 6:30 in the morning and I casually pressed snooze. I knew that I wouldn't fall asleep again so I just got up and walked the the bathroom. I slowly glanced at my own reflection in the mirror, I looked horrible...well no big suprise since I cried myself to sleep. It was pretty rare that I cried but the relization of that the person I love will never love me back was really biting on me for a while and yesterday I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I mean it hurts when you sertainly know that the person that you love more than anyone will never love you back, and even worse when that person is your straight best friend with a girlfriend. Dahvie's girlfriend is nice and such, but there is something about her that makes me sure that someday she'll hurt Dahvie and break his heart into a million pieces. Maybe I should feel happy about it since by him almost ignoring me because of her breaks my heart everyday. But still if he get's sad or hurt that would be worse than any kind of pain that ever excisted. I took a quick shower and then blowdried my hair and a thin coat of eyeliner before going downstairs. Nobody was awake but when I looked to the right I saw Dahvie sleeping on the  couch together with his girlfriend, Dahvie looked like a peacefull angel sleeping there until his Girlfriend interupted everything by waking up. "eh....Jayy...?" she said as I backed away as quickly as I could, trying to look as casual and busy as possible "You where looking at Dahvie Weren't you?" she said while looking at me with a really serious expression. "I've seen how you look at him, I know you feel something more than friendship" she said and got up quietly to not wake Dahvie and slowly walking towards me with the same expression "I'm not looking at anyone!" I quietly exclaimed trying to look inoscent, but who am I kidding? I'm a worthless liar. "Don't try to be funny with me faggot, he doesn't like you....he just thinks you're gross" she whispered while grabbing my collar and whispering to my ear "If you even touch him, I'll shove your own dick so far up your ass that you wish you'd never got born." Suddenly she pulled me into a hug and then I relized that Dahvie was waking up "Myuuuh~" he mumbled and started to stretch his arms out like he tried to grab something. She looked at him and saw that he still had closed eyes so she gave me a look that said 'okay now beat it before I literally kill you' and I just walked back up to my room, shutting the door. I never thought she actually would be such a bitch...and now it would hurt even more if she actually hurt him somehow. I didn't care if the S.G.T.C or the blood crew loved me or not....oh yes I did but the most important thing was that dahvie didn't love me, he was probably only  my friend cause I can sing...What am I saying....of course he loves me, not like I love him but like a 'brother' while he's 'the one' for me. But since I'm 99% sure that doesn't feel the same way I could just lay here with no hopes, he's probably going to be really happy with Jessica. He has chosen her before me and I should just accept it....cause I'm a discusting fag....I got up slowly and went to the bathroom quickly getting my razor and piercing my skin with it, I diserved it....This and Dahvie was the only things keeping me from going completely insane, depressed and suicidal. He is 'my light in dark' I need him, badly. but there is nothing I can do.


So this is my first fanfic ever so please people if you read OAO no judgin' cause I suck balls at this, but anyways I hope you enjoy ^^

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