Bad Timing | Satoru Gojo | Toji Fushiguro | Jujutsu Kaisen

Chapter 30

Sinking, that was all I kept feeling. I knew my body was standing, I was standing, but I couldn't feel anything. As if the whole air and matter got sucked out from around me. And I felt nothing. Nothing but this sinking feeling, like my body was going into something. Almost getting submerged. I wanted to see, to know what was it. But I couldn't. Because everything was dark.

It's that place again. The one I almost got lost in and hurt my students...

I felt my heart thudding at this realization, hard and fast and so loud through the dark silence around me. I opened my mouth, swallowed a gulp of air, hard, then screamed. Or I tried to scream. Because nothing came out but a muffled tone. Too quiet to be heard even by my own ears. My panic rose, and with it my body moved. I wasn't sure if I could actually move, but I did.

And as I lifted my foot up, and started to run. It kept following me, this sinking feeling. Wherever I placed my foot, it would still get sucked and sank into whatever I was standing on. And whatever it is, it wanted to take me. That, I realized already. It wanted to absorb me. But I kept running, and trying to scream, and I almost started crying. Because it was here again, this helplessness feeling. This fear and vulnerability that I never felt in a very, very long time...

Before realizing it, I started crying. Muffled and muted cries for help. As if I wasn't me. As if I wasn't a first grade sorceress. As if I was back to my old days, old self, in those cold streets, crying my nights away and praying for the skies to take me from this world.

I was lost again...

"Ania!"

My body jolted, like a shot of electricity had ran and spread across my whole nervous system.

"Ania..."

There's that voice again. So far away, so echoey, it barely reached me. But I was shaking, I could feel it. My body was moving and it wasn't me. I screamed again, then again, louder. Until bright light burned my eyes instantly the second I snapped my eyes open. Breaking me and taking me out of that darkness.

I heard my own cries. "The light..." then I closed my eyes, they stung me but it wasn't enough. Streams of hot tears were already pouring down when that light kept burning my eyes even through my eyelids.

"Shit!" I heard that familiar voice say. Then I felt movement. "Hold on..." that voice was concerned, and I could hear his panic in his voice. "Move your hands, here, it's okay... it's okay..."

I felt something soft and tight being placed over my eyes and wrapping around my head. Those hands that put it on were now sliding down, cupping my cheeks. "You're okay now..."

"Satoru..." I breathed out.

"I'm here, Ania! It's okay..." I felt his warm breath closing on me, until his lips brushed mine softly then he pulled away. "You're okay."

Unable to answer, I shook my head and another heavy sob escaped my throat. Satoru pulled me up, my arms bent and pressed against his chest as he held me between his arms. His hold was so tight and strong it oddly eased my panic.

But I kept crying into him, for I don't know how long. Until I felt my head fogging and my heartbeat settling. I almost wanted to fall asleep between his arms but I kept preventing my consciousness from slipping. Too scared if I closed my eyes, I would be back to that place again. Alone in that darkness.

"Ania..." Satoru whispered, his hand never stopped rubbing my back so gently.

"What is happening to me?" My hoarse voice whispered back.

"Nothing! Ania, baby, you're just tired, and you need to rest..."

"I'm so scared."

"I know, it's okay. I'm right here." I felt his mouth coming to the side of my head, kissing me three times before he rested his face against me again. "It's all my fault. I've been too caught up with my own bullshit I didn't realize I was dragging you down with me to it... I'm so sorry."