Chapter 11

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I rip the wires off of me and carry the tablet to the house.  Before I can figure out anything about myself, I need to check on Ferb.  He is my friend, and that is most important.  What I don't understand is why he is so upset.  He shouldn't be able to tell I was thinking about him.  It could have been about anyone.  A coworker maybe.  What if he felt like I am betraying Phineas?  Am I moving on too fast?

The back door is unlocked so I head inside.  It feels a bit weird to just walk in, but extenuating circumstances and all that.

"Ferb?"  I call out softly.  He's probably in his room so I start up the stairs.  "Hey Ferb?"

I knock on his bedroom door and nearly scream when it instantly opens.

"Are you okay?"  I ask.  He looks angry.  His hair is all messy and his jaw is clenched.  How is he even hot when he's mad?  Can't a girl catch a break?

"No."  He growls.  He goes to shut the door, but I hold out a hand to stop him.

"I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to make you angry.  I just-" I want to tell him that I didn't know, but he interrupts.

"Who?"  He demands.   My mind blanks. 

"Who?" 

"Who were you thinking about?"  His voice is so low and quiet I can barely hear him.

"That's none of," I'm going to tell him it's none of his business, but he interrupts again.

"Don't tell me.  I really don't want to know."  His words hurt, and I just stand there.

"Ferb, I..."

"Need to leave."  He yells, ending the conversation abruptly, shutting the door in my face.

I stare at the wood door in front of me.  It's seems like I just lost an argument that I didn't even know what it was about. 
It is super embarrassing that he saw the results, and that's without him even knowing who.  But then he wanted to know that too.  I would never be able to face him again if he knew.

My face heats up just thinking about the possibility of him finding out.  This is a secret I will take to the grave.  As humiliating as it was to be constantly and unintentionally rejected by Phineas all the time, it would be infinitely worse for Ferb to find out and reject me too.  Although with how things are right now, I'm not even sure if he wants to still be my friend.

I don't know how, but I've managed to loose both brothers in the span of a week. 

***

I sleep terribly.  I'm kept awake, tormented by knowing how angry Ferb is with me.  I wish I knew why and how to fix it.  But for now, I think the best solution is probably space.  Over the next few days, I start taking early shifts so I don't even have time to think about going through that yellow gate.  Maybe the space will be good for me too.  Maybe without seeing him all the time, my feelings and desires will fade.  That would make things so much less complicated.

I throw myself into work, getting there early and staying late.  The extra cash isn't bad either.  At this rate I'll have enough for a car in no time.  Day four and my mom stops me before work.

"Isa, we need to talk."  Her voice is stern, but gentle.

"Mom, I already told you, I'm not dating Ferb."  I snap at her.  Just saying his name out loud hurt.

"First off, you cannot talk to me that way, I am your mother."  She scolds and I grumble an apology.  "Second, I think you should tell me what is going on with Ferb.  Did you two have a fight?  Linda and I are both worried about you guys." Her tone is softer now and she places a hand on my shoulder.

"Yes? Maybe? I'm not really sure." I cover my face with my hands. "I think I upset him. But I'm not sure why that would have upset him. Like, with the information he had, he had no reason to get so angry at me. And I mean so angry. I didn't even know he could be that mad. I tried to talk to him and figure it out, but that just seemed to make it worse. It was like he wanted to argue with me, but again, I don't even know why."

The words tumble out in a rush. Probably making no sense. I remove my hands from my face and look into my mother's eyes.

"Mama... he yelled at me." And that is the moment I break. I just start crying. He is supposed to be my best friend. I've always been able to count on Ferb. Things were never complicated or difficult. Our friendship had always been stable and easy. But now, I don't have any clue what is going on or how it will go?

My mom wraps my tightly in a hug. She starts to stroke my hair and sing softly in Spanish like she would do when I was little. I melt into her, crying in her arms. She doesn't push for more information, she just holds me. And that's the best thing I could have asked for.

******

Lots of emotions running wild in this chapter. As always, let me know what you think.

Xoxo

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