You've been cerved.

Subway smokes

"My girlfriend'll LEAVE me!" The boy sobbed.

"Surprised you have one," Tamra found the Swiss cheese.

"There, there! No one's replacing you," Inez fluttered her hands at the sobbing server.

"I'm literally replacing him," Tamra grumbled.

The server blew his nose on his slice of Provolone. He looked Tamra over. "You're pretty old for this job, though, aren't ya?"

"You're fired," Tamra told him.

"Vikram! You have to lie him on his side and hold him down. Then you shoot the water straight into the opposite nostril..." Claire demonstrated, almost shoving a ketchup pack into Inez's left nostril.

"Claire!" Inez cried.

"You can't fire me! Can she?" The server asked Inez.

Inez was too busy battling Claire to answer.

"Then the button'll pop out the other side like so!" Claire mimed the ketchup shooting out of Inez's other nostril.

The server's jaw dropped. "Mind. Blown."

"Get Grace to sit on him while you do it or he won't keep still....What? No, I don't think that's how you waterboard a prisoner, what's your point?" Claire growled.

"I can't believe you two," Inez finally managed.

Claire tossed the ketchup packet behind the sandwich bar. "You can't believe me and Vikram or me and Tamra - Hey! Tamra! What about me? Where's my sandwich?"

"If you give me your slice of Provolone right now, you're not fired," Tamra told the server.

The boy gratefully handed Tamra his snotty slice of cheese. "Gee, thanks."

Tamra slapped the cheese onto an unbuttered bun. "There, Claire. You're welcome."

Claire made a face. "Fine, Tamra, fine. Be that way. Just cookies for me. Raison cookies." Claire instructed the server.

Tamra snorted. "Raisons don't belong in cookies."

"My kids hate raisons. This way, I know they won't eat my cookies," Claire explained.

"Your kids are in another state, Claire," Inez reminded her.

"That's what they want me to think," Claire said darkly. "What, Vikram? You still there? You got the button? Why's he still screaming then? There was never any blood when I did it!"

"I guess Ben got something stuck in his nose again," Inez explained, filling a paper bag with raison cookies for Claire.

"I gathered," Tamra dumped the snot sandwich in the trash.

"I got a pickle stuck in my nose last week," the server shared.

Inez and Tamra exchanged glances.

"Tell me, do the salads arrive here pre-packaged?" Tamra asked.

Claire shouted, "I'm not blaming you, Vikram! You're taking responsibility and I'm validating! Where's your sister anyways? She's the doctor - why didn't she do it?"

"Let's go sit down. This may take a while," Inez said to Tamra.

The server followed them to a booth.

Inez and Tamra sat opposite each other.

The server sat down beside Inez.

"You've got great boobs," he told Inez conversationally.