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There's always something unusual about first love - as if tequila has burned our rational thoughts and possessed our brains.
For seventeen-year-old Florence "Flora" Summer, her childhood friend, Tristan Asher, is the cheap wine she couldn...
"Why can't you move on, Flora? We divorced years back. There's nothing to cry upon now!" She almost shouted at me. Damn her move-on skills.
My temper rose, but I tried to swallow it down. "Move on, huh?" My lower lip trembled as I chuckled bitterly and scooted closer. "Move on as if by being high on drugs? Or move on as if by fucking another man?" My breaths were short and shaky. I could feel Mum's eyes turning dark similar to how Mr. Asher did when I mentioned Asher's mansion. "I don't fucking care if you're divorced or not. He loved you, and he still does. It's you who played all along!" This time, I was desperate to hurt her just as she did to me and subconsciously to my dad—oblivious to the consequences.
"Florence!" She yelled my full name—the one I never wished to hear from anyone but Daddy. It would always sound like a sweet hymn when he called me Florence. But today, it felt more like the bitterest curse in the world than anything.
"He's a dick, Andrew's the biggest asshole ever! You're... fuck you!" I cried out loud, desperate to make things normal.
She raised her index finger close to me, "Don't talk about things you don't know." Her voice was low and chipped, and the air was thick—a deadly combination and signal of a violent storm today. I could only see red now.
"I fucking know everything!" I barked at her through my clenched teeth. My body was trembling in rage and disgust. I couldn't think straight anymore. "What do you want me to know of anything else after I saw you on his lap, huh?! You guys were almost kissing!" Tears stung my eyes. Oh, dear Dad, I would fight for you my whole life. "And... and you were happy." I could feel hot anger and salty tears across my face, and the only thing I could wish for now was to run away from this bullshit to daddy and stay with him forever... in his warmth.
"You know you're cheating, Kate!" This was one of those rare times when I called my Mum by her name after being mad. And she's always been good with that. "Dang! It's just another fucking step to breaking every damn thing down. That man's a fucking dickhead. You're just... this's so wrong!"
"Flora, can you just stop and listen to me for a while? You don't know anything about this. It's my life–" she exhaled. I almost snapped her back to stop meddling with my life too.
"Your dad and I are done, Flora." She continued, clutching the hem of her shirt. "There's nothing to look back and think about! I need move on; life can't stop just because we divorced." You divorced him, Mum. "We all need to move on and distract ourselves." Her voice grew louder. "That's what I'm doing! And you can't decide who I will and will not be with!"
"That clearly means you never loved Daddy!" I yelled back. "If you did, you couldn't have done this. You just used him and threw him away. It was Daddy, the sweet guy that loved you forever and still does if he's there. You! You're the fucking shitty woman that never loved him! You wanted money, not him. And he was... he was too foolish to know that." Mum stirred a little. My body trembled in anger; I couldn't believe Mum could stoop this low. There were so many things I wanted to let out. "And here you are! The Katherine Summer–" I raised my hands to show the immensity of her fame, "the bloody cheater who's gotten in the tail of another fucking dick to distract herself! No, how d'you say that? Move on!"
I let out a bitter laugh and sighed as I sobbed before resting my head against the headboard and letting out a string of colorful curses. Mum was looking down, her jaws clenched and her body stiff. I knew I hurt her, but it was for her good. She needed to know what it felt like to get hurt by another. She would know it better when Andrew Asher would break her darn heart and walk away. A thick silence coated the air for a few minutes before I spoke again. "Look, if you're happy with what you're doing, then do whatever you want. No one gives a fuck about anything you do. Just one thing..." I leaned closer, "you became a cheater, and you're permanently branded. And don't come to me crying that you were wrong dating him." The last part came as a strained whisper.
She looked up at me; the darkness in her eyes was replaced with tears. Her lower lip has turned pale pink because of too much nibbling. I couldn't believe this was my Mum: the lady who cried for Dad for years and sacrificed her whole for me. This woman was so much different from the one I had seen for seventeen years.
Time changes, darling, and we say people do too. But the circumstances sometimes force us to make choices others feel are wrong. But that's how it is. You can never get it until you're in there. One of Grandma's letters said once. I knew these—all of these were words of wisdom everybody knows never work anywhere. Words could never fill the empty gaps in our fucked up lives. Sometimes I felt I could draw my life into silver poems; I never felt the need to, for my life has always been the gap between the lines of poetry. Life, for once, has never been the gold dust of a butterfly's wings.
"We can talk again after you cool off." Mum sighed before standing up and straightening her shirt. Her eyes were hooded in guilt, and her face was too tired to speak anything else. I pitied her for the briefest time, but she deserved this. She never felt broken—instead, she was the one who shattered people's hearts. She never admitted her love for dad; she just wanted more, and what more meant to her was money, luxury, and sexual pleasure. My Mum was the epitome of dark, drunken desires.
"There's nothing to talk about anymore." I was shaking in a myriad of demonic emotions. The red haze was ebbing away, but worse things were rushing toward me—I could sense it. Being the smartass as always (I didn't care about cussing my Mum for this was when she wasn't a mother to me, but a cheater), she reached out for the doorknob when something random slipped out of my mouth. "Do the Ashers know about this?" Goodness Tristan, no Flora. Shut up and make up—no talking about this to anyone. Lips zipped.
She froze before pulling down the sleeve of her shirt, "Yes, I mean no, uhm... kind of. Jane does maybe, I don't know. Besides, they're getting divorced by late fall." She said as if it was some random stuff not to worry about.
"That wasn't part of my question." I sat up straight before reaching for the water bottle. "And you're doing this with plans... that's good." I muttered as if it was neither a question nor a statement.
"Why can't you be happy with my life, Lorrie?" She boomed suddenly, her voice ringing still in my ears. "Just when life's turning normal, you're making it difficult to live!"
"And you're breaking our little family! First dad, now me." I roared back. "What do you want?! Distraction and money? Shitty pleasure? Got to hell!"
"Flora–" She clenched her jaw.
"Bullshit! I don't give a damn about your shitty life. And I want the same for you to do. I'm about to be eighteen, I manage my life by myself, and I'm better than alright now. I don't need to come over and help me! We can take care of ourselves on our own from now on... Happy life!"
I slung my small handbag over my shoulder before storming out of the house. I felt like crying, but it seemed all my tears had dried. I couldn't believe Mum was dating a son of a bitch. It was a total asshole move for her. And I knew she would end up breaking herself up. I let out a breathy sob as I ran downstairs and went out of the house. Crying harder, I sprinted down the stony path to my old Honda Accord and climbed into the driver's seat. I didn't use it, rather than on special occasions and in emergencies. Rubbing my nose, I turned my car over onto the street, driving to nowhere. The tires roared louder as I drove down the road. My hands curled up firmly around the steering wheel till my knuckles turned white. I drove harder and faster for an hour till the red haze blurred in the salty air and golden splashes.
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Hey, loves! I updated twice in a week, yay! This chapter hurt me so badly; I feel so sorry for Flora. But I guess things will be fine soon. How about a vote praying for the good? Thanks! ;)
