𝗙𝗢𝗥𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗥 & 𝗔𝗟𝗪𝗔𝗬𝗦, 𝐦. 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨

¹⁸

TW: this chapter starts with another one of hope's episodes and it goes into more depth.

as always, i'm here if anyone needs to talk <3

hope hated gut feelings. the fact that she would randomly wake up and get the strong urge that something was going to go wrong made her stomach churn. it was like moths had made their way inside of her rather than butterflies and there weren't any nets that could capture them.

she woke up on saturday morning with the worst feeling that something bad was going to happen. she tried to push the thoughts away but no matter how hard her attempts were, it would not work. any free moment she had was spent worrying, biting at her nails and letting her thoughts consume her. the worst part was the fact that she didn't know what was wrong. she was completely unaware as to why her heart wouldn't stop beating out of its chest and why her head felt like it would full off due to the metaphorical weight it was holding.

she tried to go about her day but it became difficult when anything she did ended in the violent urge to throw up or cry. every little moment led her back to the unwelcomed feeling and she couldn't help but feel wary. to top it all off, her parents had decided to go away for the day and she had encouraged it of all things. the day prior had been spent convincing her parents they should go out and that she would be fine. now as she sat on her bed drowning in the duvet, she wished she hadn't tried so hard to encourage them to go after all.

she sighed loudly to herself as she poured herself a bowl of cereal to eat as a snack. it was getting closer and closer to the evening and she still wasn't in the mood to eat an entire meal or anything like that. so naturally, she chose something light. she switched the TV on in the living room but she'd be lying if she said she was paying any attention. if someone asked her, she wasn't sure she could even rightly answer what she was supposed to be watching.

the bowl of cereal resided in her hand as she let it tilt slightly, not acknowledging any of her surroundings. she heard the clattering and lifted her head to see the bowl now on the floor. she groaned in frustration as she attempted to pick up the mess. she'd deal with it properly later but for now she just needed to clear her head.

her first idea was to let the loud music blaring through her airpods distract her so that she didn't have the ability to think. the plan failed as the music faded away and her mind never allowed her to pay attention to the lyrics or the beats drumming in her ears. she felt the need to cry as she removed the airpods from her ears and placed them back in their case. next she tried to text one of her friends but the keyboard in front of her seemed like it was in another language as she struggled to string the symbols together.

she could practically hear the episode coming. the far too loud beating of her heart mixed with the jagged breathing as she tried to steady herself as she sat on the floor of her bedroom. the first tear fell and she let the salty substance fall onto her lap, watching as one became two and two became more than she could count. she honestly didn't know what to do as she glanced at the patch of tears that had built up on her trousers. she couldn't ignore the panic in her head as her thoughts became too much to handle and her hands began to tremor.

she was dialling the number before she could even comprehend what she was doing and the call had connected before she could try to back out.

"hi hope," matt said with a yawn but hope remained silent.