𝗙𝗢𝗥𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗥 & 𝗔𝗟𝗪𝗔𝗬𝗦, 𝐦. 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨

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TW: brief reference to 'not wanting to be alive' though it is against the idea

+ mostly based on the topic of hope's internal thoughts about struggling with coming to terms with living [read a/n at the end]

the sun was shining onto the friends faces as they lazed around in the garden of hope's house. the light breeze swayed their hair back and forth and worked its way between the small gaps of company. hope was absent-mindedly sticking daisies into her braid, like one of those disney princesses, as matt aided her. he carefully plucked the daisies from their spot on the grass and only when he deemed them worthy, did he pass them to hope. he and hope exchanged a small smile every time another flower was delicately placed in her hand.

nick and chris watched the exchange intently and had to refrain from laughing aloud. even after months and months apart, it wad evident matt and hope made one another happy and found pure joy in doing so. the pair were unaware of just how much of an effect they had on each other and every time they did absolutely anything, they relished in knowing it had made someone so special feel such a way.

as hope placed the final daisy in her hair, matt set his eyes on her, simply taking her in. he took in the way her kiwi flavoured lip-gloss shimmered in the sunlight and how she would occasionally lick her lips without any knowledge of doing so. he took in the way her fingers worked gently in her hair and placed the flowers softly, as if she was afraid she would harm them. he engulfed the way her dark brown eyes lit up in the heat of the sun and swirled around like a smooth pool of honey.

she hummed lightly in satisfaction and pulled out her phone to capture a few quick pictures. it was wonderful honestly, how everything seemed effortless for her. even something like taking a picture, that many struggled with, was like another tick on her check list of perfection. with a grin still present on her face, she turned her phone to snap pictures of her friends. she caught the sun hitting chris in all the right ways and nick's soft smile as he glanced at his phone often. she even caught a picture of matt who had only just looked away in time. he was staring at the tree and outlining the initials that were engraved on the side of the bark. his head rested on it lightly and his mouth parted into a miniature sigh.

she swiped through the pictures and beamed at the way they had turned out with minimal effort. she loved capturing the moment and pictures that she undoubtedly knew they'd look back on someday. in a way, it made her feel like she was truly living. each moment she stored on her phone felt like it was real because she had proof of it. sometimes, hope struggled to come to terms with the fact that she was actually alive. it wasn't that she didn't want to be alive, no, but it took her time to adjust to the life she was living and who and what she was surrounded by. once she had figured proof of the events was possible, she had stuck to it. it was an added bonus that she would stumble across old memories and relive them in her mind and just feel.

matt knew how she felt; she had voiced her feelings to him when they were together and he was nothing but supportive. he often took it upon himself to remind her that he was there and they were alive together. it was something she loved about him, the way he could reassure her when no else could. he always knew exactly what to say and when to not say anything at all. losing someone who made her feel alive was possibly one of the hardest things she had to endure yet she lept into it. the concept of pain and that ache in her heart reminded her that she was capable of feeling and even though the emotions weren't her first choice, the simple fact that they existed was enough to keep her going.