How to Date a Nerd

Chapter 36 - How to Say Goodbye, Permanently

Confused, I walked back to the front lawn, trying to make sense of everything. Just as I was about to cross the street to get to the car, I heard someone call me.

“Leon! Is that you?”

When I glanced over my shoulder, I saw Freddy in front of the mailbox. I was torn between running away and facing him. But my curiosity got the best of me. So I walked back to him, removing my shades as I did.

“Hi, Freddy,” I said, barely able to smile. “It’s been a while.”

He opened his mouth to speak but pressed it into a thin line instead. He was surprised, alright. All we could do was stare at each other in silence. Nothing much had changed about him. He was still the big guy I knew. Only, he had a bit more lines on his face as if more than three years had passed for him.

Unexpectedly, he froze when he saw me looking at the small blue box he was holding. It contained several neatly arranged blue envelopes. From my spot I could barely read what was written on them. But one thing was for sure; they were Sarah’s handwriting. Just like the ones I’d been receiving for a few years now.

Clearing his throat, Freddy immediately covered the box. Impatiently, I stepped to the mailbox and picked up the letter inside. Like the ones I’d received, the mailing address was Freddy’s handwriting. It was dated May 21st. Today.

“Where’s Sarah?” I asked, still blankly staring at the letter in my hand.

It seemed like Freddy couldn’t find his words for a moment. In the end, he said, “I… can explain.”

“Those,”—I looked at the small box in his arm—“are Sarah’s letters to me?”

He just nodded, looking down.

“When…” I paused, clearing the lump from my throat. “When did she write those?”

With a sigh, Freddy looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Two years ago.”

I nodded, not knowing what to think. “And she’s planning to give me these until when?”

“She planned…” he started, gazing down at the box as he trailed off into silence. “Until every letter has been sent to you.”

“Where’s she?” I asked again, sounding more demanding.

What was Sarah thinking? I’d at least expected her to answer me honestly. If writing to me was such a bother, she could have said so. It was so wrong to hope after all. I didn’t quite know what to think or what to feel. I was just… lost.

“I’ll take you to her,” Freddy answered resignedly. “Where’s your car?”

It was already a five minute drive along Main Street when Freddy broke the silence. His face was unreadable and I was kind of thankful for that. It was better than to see him sorry for me. I tried to think of words I’d say to Sarah, of questions I needed to ask her but nothing came up. As it turned out, I expected too much from her.

Couldn’t blame her. It’d been three years. If it was just up to me, I’d make every effort to see her even if I’d have to move heaven and earth to do it. I missed her so much I could die. But it was her decision. It got me thinking that maybe I shouldn’t have left. That I should’ve just stayed by her side whether she liked it or not. But my regrets won’t do any help now.

“Sarah wanted you to go,” he began, eyes lingering on the dashboard.

“Yeah,” I sniffed. “I know that now.” I couldn’t cut off on the sarcasm this time.